I'm Gonna Go Potty at Work!

I've taken a job. Outside of my home - as of Monday, I'm not just a mommy anymore. It's all happened so fast and I wasn't actually looking and never applied for this job. It landed in my lap. One day late last week, I got an email asking me whether I might be interested in employment - I thought it was a scam. With too much time on my hands and a separate email account specifically for playing with scammers and spammers, I sent back a note that I might be interested and wanted more information. Amazingly, this email turned out to be REAL and for a position with a wonderful company. Not ultimately what I want to be doing, but....a great company and great pay. Where on earth did they find me?

Turns out, a million years ago in my former life as a workaholic, I posted my resume on Monster. That used to be the go to site for seeking employment. I never ended up using it and instead found my last position simply advertised in the newspaper in California, knew some people with connections, had fantastic references, and BAM! landed an ace in the hole!

About a year ago, I received an email from Monster and remembered that my information was on there. Well, because I'd been pondering whether I wanted to go back to work or not, I updated my information. I live in a new state since that time and had over 8 years of information missing. Then never thought about it again. I'm too busy being mommy and playing with scammers who want me to take money to Western Union (which I keep taking and taking and somehow the orders get lost or something.)

Over the past year, I have applied to a few jobs, been called for interviews, and been offered most of the positions. I've turned them down for various reasons, some ridiculous. I turned down one because I didn't like the office - poor taste in decorating and snob that I am, I don't want to be holed up in an ugly office all day long! Plus two of the ladies in the office that I'd have to manage were chit-chatting while I was waiting and they annoyed me to exhaustion with their nasty eating habits and immature banter for just those 15 minutes. Their lip-smacking made me want to kick them right in their huge behinds and lecture them about proper etiquette in a front-office environment.

Another I applied for, went to four interviews with, and then I turned down an offer because they didn't want to pay me what I wanted. Yeah, I probably should have known, they were non-profit. Then there was the offer for a job close by my home, nice salary, easy conditions guaranteed so I could do my mommy tasks and I turned it down because the owner couldn't guarantee me that I would be challenged. I think he was dumbfounded that I'd turn down an easy job. Boring!!!! Plus the guy looked like a greasy used-car salesman with a comb-over - ick! There is NO WAY I could stand having to look at that guy every day! I'm not leaving my kid for boring, ugly, or cheap.

The reasons for the other offers not taken were mainly about me not being quite sure that I actually wanted to work. I didn't tell them that, but that's really what it was about. I must say that I do actually enjoy the interview process though. Manipulating a situation and leaving a potential employer with them desperate to have YOU take the position is so hugely rewarding - I love a win!!! Whether I want the job or not, I want a win - it's just a nice ego-boost and leaves you feeling like you're on fire for weeks!

Sixteen years ago, I wouldn't have thought twice about taking a job while being a mom. Never known any different, my parents both worked and I went to daycare. But over the years, my thought process changed and as maturity hit and I became increasingly conservative, I couldn't imagine leaving a child with a babysitter while working. I supervised so many women who told me of their childcare nightmares and issues. Some even lost their jobs because of it. To keep my position as a top-performer and to maintain my reputation, I couldn't be put in the position of dealing with childcare issues. Not only that but, no one in the world could possibly take care of my kid the way I do. Too many stupid people in the world!

Now, Miss Fabulous is a pretty special kid - as all children are. However, there are some extremes about this kid's behavior that most people just don't understand. She's a perfectionist and she's overly competitive, among many other issues. I hear the comments all the time from moms about their kid being a drama queen and lemme tell ya, they just make me laugh in my head and trust me, I'm rolling my eyes at them too. They don't understand drama until they see Miss Fabulous in action having some particular issue. Even her teachers have mentioned it. At a previous preschool, I was called to come get her early because they couldn't calm her down and they didn't know what to do. You'd THINK adults who work with kids all day long and having done it for years could figure it out. Nope...a 3 year old was too much for them.

I was even questioned by the Director as to what might be happening at home. I laughed at her and told her that perhaps they might think about getting some training on childhood behaviors as well as speak to an expert on special education in all forms. Turns out that school really just stunk, no training whatsoever. In one "report card," I was instructed that my child wasn't doing something proper in respect to handling a pencil. I had to bring in current literature from an OT to show them that the methods they were using were outdated by approximately 15 years and no longer approved or recommended. Sure a group of moms can take care of kids and help them turn toilet paper rolls into butterflies every day but that doesn't qualify them to be a school. But they had horses to ride and other animals, so it was apparently cool. Not to me!

I'm a perfectionist too, I get it. I'm also a picky eater, I get it. I work with it and know what to expect and how to head off issues. My mother-in-law gets it, she's seen the meltdowns that can occur if things don't happen as they are meant to be. My dad gets it and he understands what happens as well. My husband also gets it - most of the time, when he's thinking clearly. If his head is elsewhere, well, we can have a tough day dealing with drama. Once it starts, it usually continues throughout the day.

As I sit here silently panicking about upcoming changes in my life, my mind keeps wandering to the many possibilities of disaster than could erupt. Everything is bigger in my head...and continues to grow exponentially.

My dad is now retired and will be taking over as our nanny, so to speak. He will take care of breakfast, morning playtime, lunch, and getting Miss Fabulous off to school and dance classes. I will be home just after that for dinner and evening playtime, as well as the typical bedtime stuff. As it is now, morning playtime is usually independent play as that is when I take a shower and do a bit of cleaning. So, I really don't miss anything other than being in the same location and little conversations with my daughter.

Now when Miss Fabulous was 1, I wouldn't even have considered leaving, nor would I went she was 2 or 3. At 4 and as the activities started to increase, I started to think about it a little but still wasn't quite certain. So many horrid things can happen in daycare and so many horrid daycare workers exist. The same horrid individuals can exist in preschools and schools, as I also came to witness over the years. There are simply some people I just don't desire for my kid to be around - and I'm not even touching on the ones who deserve to go to jail or worse. Just yucky people with no taste, class, or education.

I'm well aware that I'm freaking out without great reason, but I can't keep myself from doing it. My dad and Miss Fabulous can handle this. Sure there will be issues because he won't do something the same way I do or because he's a male and just doesn't get some girlie idea she comes up with. It's all happened so fast and it's really just shocking, there hasn't been time to think everything through (except really late at night when I'm not sleeping and have a stomach ache from imagining that my little girl might go to school having not eaten enough and without her hair fixed nicely.)

In all honesty, I think it's a nice transition for Miss Fabulous to gain greater independence from me and confidence in herself as she enters a full day school next year. It's also an opportunity for her and my dad to build some memories, which is something that is really important to me. My dad is the best and while we have this chance, I'd like her to have a special connection with him, as I do. But still...what if he doesn't get her dance tights on her just right, remember to have her use the restroom before class, or she doesn't have the required ponytail when she shows up? All the teachers have my email and cell phone number so I can obtain reports as to how wrong things are being done, but I do love my dad.

Have I actually mentioned that this job is only for three months? Yup, I'm near prozac for a three month position. That's the entire reason that I did take the job. It's a good company, potential future, a current reference, great pay, and a test for me to see if mommy is ready to go back to work or not.

I'm going to breathe deeply, hope I don't pass out from it, and put together some instructional materials so my dad knows that at 11:05 a.m. Miss Fabulous must be sitting at the table taking her first bite so she can finish by 11:35 a.m. and have time for shoes and socks and grabbing the snack before heading out the door at 11:42 a.m. Ah yes, my schedule...he'll need it.

So on Monday, I'm going to try not to cry at work and will try to resist the urge to call the house more than once during the day. But above all, I'm desperately going to do everything in my power to remember not to tell anyone that "I have to go to the potty" or wipe anything from anyone else's face. Wish me luck!

The Perfect Egg

Control. I am absolutely a control freak. I like to have control and organization to everything. Of course, that's where everyone likes to begin the teasing about me being OCD. That's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder for anyone who isn't aware. So, honestly, never been diagnosed as that but, absolutely, I have the tendencies. I just like things the way I like 'em and that's the way it's gonna be. Period.

However, when it comes to my life, I actually have about zero control. I clean, clean, clean to control my environment and I obsess about how clean it actually is or isn't - in my own eyes. But, all I have to do is stop for 10 minutes and I lose every bit of that control - two dogs, one kidlet, and a husband can mess things up faster than I can run into the room. Granted, I'm not fast but those small things that take 15 minutes to do turn into hours of cleaning for me.

Last year after discovering that my husband was once again hoarding our bills and personal documents, I took back control and organized everything into beautiful new file folders and purchased brand new filing cabinets for everything. It took me two months to sort through the mess that he had created, but I got it done and it was such a relief. I was so proud of myself. I had every piece of paper in our house organized so nicely and thought he was following along with my system after he paid the bills.

Well, Kindergarten registration comes along on my calendar and I run down to the filing cabinets to pull out the one document I still needed to take with me. Miss Fabulous' birth certificate. Easy enough, I run down to get it out of her nicely labeled file folder and....it's not there.

Of course, I'm frantic - that is NOT something to be misplaced! Not only that but there's a huge pile of filing to be done sitting on TOP of the filing cabinets. The husband is in Guam and my mother-in-law is visiting so I have to wait until after 11pm my time to speak with him (aka growl at him.) He suggested that maybe he put it in the file marked "personal" instead of her file. Okay, well, MIL is sleeping by that time and I can't check until the morning. You've got to know that I'm screaming inside my head but trying desperately to stay calm. I did not get to sleep easily with this on my brain.

I waited patiently for everyone to be awake and the minute I saw my MIL peak her head out, ran down the stairs to rifle through the cabs. The file marked "personal" is NOT in the cabinet. Where the hell is this birth certificate? I'm furious by this time and it's 1am in Guam and my MIL is right there, can't say anything, that's her son. Tick, tick, tick...messing with my files, not cool. My brain and stomach are ticking away all morning, I am so irritated but trying to be a nice hostess and mommy while my brain is starting to move in circles due to the agony of something not being right! I get ready and go over to register without my required paperwork and my daughter stays with her grandma. I felt like a complete failure.

On the drive over, I dial the husband's number on the cell phone and the minute I hear his voice I explode at him about this. Really partly his fault, it's 3am and his cell phone should have been turned off - not my problem. The message would have been much calmer. I walked into the school building with a fake smile and pretended to be the nice mom. The very wonderful registration lady was nice to me about the missing paperwork and told me to just bring it as soon as I can. Two days later the husband returns from his two weeks in Guam and after endless searching finally locates the birth certificate - filed under Property Taxes. I'm irritated beyond belief, but at least it's been located. So there ya go, all that work and I have no control of the files & paper & documents - yet again.

I don't have a job other than being mommy and I operate at the whim of Miss Fabulous, there's no control to a kid. She is her own person, a complete extravert. Because five year olds don't have the financial backing, I also don't get a check and have no income. The money all has to come from the husband. Currently he pays the bills (sometimes he even remembers and does it on time - have I mentioned how laid back the guy is???) but I have no idea when he pays them or what the online passwords are for any of our accounts - I'm only legally responsible for them. (Yes, ladies, I totally know this is dumb and it's not a choice that I've made, I'm working on it - enough said.) I swear this is coming to the point of giving me an ulcer or maybe it's just a mock ulcer or maybe it's just because I have egg issues and have been eating nothing but eggs.

Eggs. That leads me to the one single thing in my life that I actually do have control of. No! Not Eggs - you weren't really thinking that, were you? That'd be ridiculous!

My weight. After I went through the pregnancy and horrid delivery process of Miss Fabulous, I could not for the life of me get that extra weight off. I stopped eating for the most part, nearly killed a treadmill, and intentionally never sat for more than 10 minutes during the day. Well, I finally found a diet plan, did ridiculous research on nutrition (OCD, remember??? - regular folks have no idea what serious research is), and not only did I lose that stupid 20 pounds I wanted to lose, but my husband lost about 80.

He actually needed to due to sleep apnea issues and his desire not to carry an oxygen machine around with him on his various plane travels to the armpits of the world. He also was able to eliminate his need for cholesterol meds. Controlling your weight and eating healthy is a pretty cool thing once you get the tricks to make it happen.

So, I lost that 20 lbs and then I went further. I lost 25. Now it felt pretty darn cool to be 35 (at the time) and weigh less than I did in high school, and I was a great weight in high school. I LIKED the feeling so much! I was so much more energetic and I loved loved loved loved everything about trying on a Size 4 and having it be too big and having to go down yet another size. So now, I've been a two for nearly 2 years. I have heard the stupid comments about anorexia and people telling me I'm too thin and need to eat. I actually eat more than I ever have in my life. I also KNOW more about what I put into my body and how it will affect me. I know that my body really doesn't agree with carbs, if I eat them, I can count on 2 pounds gain in one day. NOT a good feeling for a control freak. I can eat ice cream and marshmallows and lose weight.

However, I don't yet feel perfect and I can see a few areas where I still need to improve the body. So, here come the eggs. It seems that eggs don't like me too much anymore, even though I adore them. Just after high school I gave myself salmonella poisoning (a fun trip to the emergency room confirmed this) from overindulging on eggs cooked over-easy in the microwave. Turns out you've gotta be careful with that. Who knew???

I seem to have developed a new allergy to eggs in the past six months. My stomach hurts so badly when I have eggs, but....they're low cal and fantastic protein and the benefits and temporary enjoyment currently overweighs the pain. I gave them up for about 4 months but I'm back, we just love each other until it hurts.

One friend said "if you hit your head on a wall, it hurts, so stop hitting your head on a wall." Yeah, but....I like eggs. I mean, I really like them! YUM!!!! I'm allergic to dust too, I don't avoid housework because of it, I work on cleaning and keeping it to a minimum and have a few hives at the end of the day from it. That's life, you take the good with the bad. It's not a severe life or death thing and if it helps me reach my goals and have a little control in my little world - I'm going to do it. In my OCD vision, there is only that issue of control and the new goal is either a size zero or to be able to look in the mirror and not see one speck of cellulite on my butt.

That's my life, I can only control this one little thing about it. So the incredible, edible egg and I are going to love each other until it hurts but I'm totally in control. There are actually those control top nylons that come in the egg shaped container - I wonder if that's a metaphor for my life or a symbol that's there to give me a subliminal message that I just haven't picked up on. For now, this is my life and we'll see where it goes from here.

Shut up Carl & Lisa - it's WHITE

Recently there was a day on Facebook with a private message that went around asking ladies to change our status to just the color of our bra, apparently it's still floating. The purpose was noted as to raise awareness for breast cancer. Secondly, we were asked to "not tell the boys" and see how long it takes for them to catch on.

I didn't have a problem with playing along, I went ahead and changed my status. Light pink. Normally it'd be white, because I'm just that basic kinda gal. Plain, plain, plain, and comfy. Sorry, but I've been married for 18 years and I'm busy chasing Miss Fabulous and two giant poodle puppies, I don't have time for anything extraordinary in that department. It's all about fast & easy for me. My husband doesn't much care either; we both appreciate comfort.

Now I was shocked to see an article from a "journalist" noting that this Facebook activity had caused "outrage." Huh??? Journalist Carl further noted "Broadcasting the color of your bra to your friends and colleagues is not typical or even acceptable behavior for most women, yet that's precisely what thousands of female Facebook users were doing this week..." The color of my bra or my girlfriend's bra is not acceptable? Dude! Gimme a break, no one exposed anything or flashed anything. There's never going to be a problem with women or men on Facebook being playful. We're not all on Facebook to be professional and build our business; we just want to be able to quickly chat with our friends and have some fun.

I'm guessing Journalist Carl must be one of those guys who really doesn't like women breastfeeding in public. I didn't care to BE one of those women but God happened to give me a kid who tore blankets, etc. off me when I tried to do it "incognito." People seeing my bra, or the color of it, was the last thing I cared about. I simply just wasn't interested in sharing the site of my boob. For TWO years! I couldn't wean the kid and boy did I try because I was just plain uncomfortable when we went out somewhere!

Some chick named Lisa was quoted as saying "I'm vomitously sick of a serious illness like breast cancer being reduced to twee pink ribbons and strollathons." Lisa urged a boycott of the activity. Come on Lisa, gimme a damn break - the color of a bra makes you "vomitously sick?" Nobody reduced the seriousness of illness - least of all by posting a color! If that makes you "vomitously sick," you should just come right out and die when you hear about a man, women, or child suffering from any disease, right? So, Lisa, you really should be dead because I see an awful lot of suffering and I actually try to avoid news and videos about any such thing. I have to wonder about the last time Lisa pushed a stroller, if ever. I wonder if Lisa could push that stroller off road for 10 miles; I can. That's an accomplishment under any circumstance and I have the cadillac of strollers. Wanna come see the REAL world Lisa? Let me show you what a real mom does every day; I'm saying YOU can't cut it girlfriend!

Are we still, seriously, not allowed to talk about boobs or anything that contains boobs? I'm so sorry, but I've been married 18 years and had a child and breastfed said child. Anyone who has gone through just that, the mom OR the dad, is a little over the boob giggles. Maybe Journalist Carl didn't date enough and is still after his first feel up. Is that why this was a story?

Why do people have to complain about EVERYTHING??? Journalist Carl - was there seriously not any other issue in the whole world that you could write about? It really had to be about a day with colors in a Facebook status. I just don't get this. The guy didn't even attempt to educate people in any way. If he was so concerned that there was no education in this little post fun, why did HE never put any links about breast cancer in this article. It was no big deal, none of my friends expressed any outrage, and actually the "boys" played along with us. So here we are talking about breast cancer - doesn't that mean it was successful?

I was delighted tonight when another friend found an article on Fox News that was POSITIVE. There's even a cool quote: "Andrea Rader, a spokeswoman for the Susan G. Komen for the Cure foundation, said the group was not behind the campaign but called it 'a terrific tool for raising awareness.'" It's not even a long article, just a simple mention - that's it! Can you imagine? Someone didn't make it a big deal. Will we be able to sleep at night?

For some of my friends, their status was posted in honor of friends who have breast cancer or have died from it. The negative journalism was another slap in the face for the people who participated to have a little fun for the sake of their friends. Doesn't sound to me like Carl or Lisa have had to go through first-hand watching a friend suffer from any disease. Good for them, but no need to attack others by becoming a drama queen and becoming vomitously sick in front of us due to your outrage from something you didn't participate in. Get over yourselves!

As for me, I've been told by my gyno to go get my baseline mammogram. That was a little over a year ago, I haven't gotten around to it yet. I think I'll do it this year, and I think that on the day I do it, I'll go ahead and post the color of my bra - just to tick people like Lisa and Carl off. If they say anything negative again, I'll start some real trouble and send a private message telling people to post the color of their vibrators or the one they want along with the favorite function.

In the meantime, white!

My Future Son In Law

You go through life with various friends and connect with them on some level. Some stay in your life, some move on, you move on, sometimes they come back, and then there are always new friends entering your life in some way. It's like God sends a particular person for you, who has the ability to connect with you in a special way at just the right time. It's really special when you figure out that you're the one he sent for someone else.

I have my husband and we connect in a very purposeful and powerful way but he's also the match that I need in my entire life for everything, me as a whole. We compliment each other in strengths and weaknesses and, of course, that's why marriage exists. I understand that not everyone has that compliment in this way, but they find it in other places through various friends. Perhaps that's also why divorce exists, as people change they need a different compliment for their lives. I don't know about that one, I still lean toward people just chose un-wisely to begin with. As for me and the husband, we're a match, that's a definite after 20 years together. Of course, we argue and there are times when I planned his death and actually knew exactly where I'd bury the body. I'm sure he's thought about strangling me a few times as well. Part of a marriage.

Miss Fabulous currently has a fascination with marriage. Now the story I've told her about my marriage is that I was 30 when I got married; let's all please stick to this if you happen to speak to Miss Fabulous regarding this subject.

She talks about getting married constantly and even has a couple prospective grooms picked out, I'm not sure their mothers know about it and I'm not having this conversation as of yet. Thankfully! One of the little guys is a little overweight, but he's a sweetheart. After hearing about the little guy as a possibility for our future son-in-law, my husband commented that even Mommy has a thing for the chubby guys. Okay, well, yeah, that's somewhat true if you look at my history but not quite, not quite. This whole conversation got me thinking about life, love, and the boyfriends I've had over the years and wondering where life will lead my daughter.

The young lady next door to us is an absolute doll, she sometimes babysits or dogsits for us. Since we've lived here, we've had the opportunity to see her grow up a bit and have her first boyfriend (not just a date.) This past summer, our dogs were barking outside incessantly and I went to the side windows to see what the racket was about. I inadvertently saw my sweet young neighbor with her boyfriend (whom she had told me about privately, see I'm cool! I'm NOT her mom!)

While staying to the side of their house and avoiding windows where her parents could see, they moved into an area where we could see. I have to admit I got a ticked when I saw him grab her backside and proceded to sit there and watch to make sure he was a gentleman with my sweet girl next door! I don't really know what it is that I thought I might do if he behaved inappropriately (in my eyes), but my husband started giving me a ration of crap about watching them and why I bothered - after all, I should have been thinking about the things I did, nothing that bad was going to happen outside there. Ahem....okay yeah and I DID walk away from the window.

The guy ended up being a jerk to my next door sweetie and they eventually broke up - see my mommy intuition was right on! Of course, I had told her mom about the sighting and we laughed about it. As moms, we discussed our high school boyfriends and how actually we both ended up with a guy we met in high school. Now after the break-up (my poor sweet neighbor!), I started thinking about Miss Fabulous and the heart aches should would endure in years to come. Of course, also I'm thankful that I have a mom next door who will be able to look out HER windows at my kid too.

When I was 5, I had my first "boyfriend" - we were a thing a Kindergarten. Miss Fabulous is also 5 now. Last year at preschool there was a boy that she seemed to interact with constantly; the teacher said they "argued like an old married couple, they were a good compliment to challenge each other." The husband and I both volunteered at school and neither of us liked this kid. He was trouble on the double and a big, huge brat. We also didn't care much for the family. Nice, yes, but....the type that'd make OUR parents cringe if we brought them home. The mom even suggested a playdate - yeah, that was NOT gonna happen as long as I was breathing! I couldn't wait for the year to be over to get her away from him.

I had another boyfriend in 4th grade. Actually I had two, I had no idea what two-timing actually was and I had no idea what "going-together was" since we didn't actually go anywhere; I figured it out fast when I got in trouble for it, ouch. Naive. There was the sweetheart in 5th grade that I "went with" but went no-where with. I remember writing our initials in hearts - hundreds of them and putting them on his desk as well as his BLUSH and smile when I did so. Cute!!! Yikes, I hope my daughter never thinks a boy is cute! But she will.

Then comes high school. I dated a guy who also "dated" several other girls at the same time, behind my back. He gave me his class ring and considering what he was doing, I don't know why he gave it to me. I don't think I ever even confronted him about it, but his friend who wanted to date me told me all about it. I didn't go out with the friend but that hurt. I'd have a hard time not killing a guy for doing that to my daughter.

There was one special guy in high school before my husband. I learned that he was, indeed, quite an amazing person. I'll always remember his eyes - you could see right through to his heart and soul. We shared so many thoughts and secrets and plans for the future; I don't think that connection will ever be completely gone. That was quite an intense relationship and I think most people, including our parents thought we'd eventually get married. There's certainly much more to this story but I think that's best left untold for now, the guy deserves a lot more than a mere mention in a blog. I hope for this type of friendship experience for everyone including my daughter.

Then along came my husband. I was in high school and he was in college, yum! If Miss Fabulous meets my future son-in-law in high school, I don't have that many years left. So, really, I understand that my daughter is probably going to be as boy crazy as I was, probably more so. I understand that there are going to be crushes, but I hope the broken hearts are very limited and replaced easily with other friendships and eventually a relationship that is as rewarding as it can be.

Please God, whomever you send this special girl to, make him complete and excellent in every way. If not, you and I are going to be having a talk and you already know how I can be.

Oh crap, it's only me

So, I've been discussing my new blog with a few friends, what it means for me, how it's helped me, how I think I've grown and in particular how Facebook moved me forward just in the past year. Emotionally and mentally and physically. I'm so much happier and so much more stable and in control.

Just a day ago, someone mentioned that I was brave to put myself out there with the truth, good and/or bad, considering anyone could read it and people could be/would be judging me. Initially, I kinda went - oh crap, yeah, they're judging me. I hadn't thought of it in that way. I know there are some who might not like what I have to say, some who think I should shut up, and some who just plain don't like ME. I've been okay with that for a while, not always, but for quite a while.

I'm certain, in the end, I'll be judged. After what I've gone through the past year & a half, I'm fairly certain I'll do okay with that predicament. I've tried to live my life appropriately and in reverence to people as individuals. Not perfectly and not my entire life, I've made a mountain of mistakes and unintentionally hurt others with thoughtless words, but I think I've learned from all those experiences and improved my person. Maturity and life experience are everything. "Sometimes you have to make a lot of mistakes to get to the right answer."

Judging me? I guess if another individual sees fit to judge me, they have the option. No one has to like me and I don't like everyone myself, there's nothing wrong with that. However, if those individuals don't like me, why would they take the time to read my blog in the first place?

Would it be jealousy or envy? Heck, I'm a little jealous and envious of some others too. I'm okay with that and to an extent I think it improves me. Despite the trauma surrounding my life, I'm very blessed and overprivileged. I fully admit that and I enjoy every minute of it, mainly because I've worked for everything I have and will continue to do so. It makes me a better person to have the life I have because of my endurance, everyone should take the time to work hard for the blessings in their lives. It gives me great power and comfort to know that I wasn't GIVEN anything.

Several months ago, I heard that several individuals thought I was a snob - way back when. I heard that several years ago as well. I have no idea why, really. I was quiet about my private life, for reason. I wasn't allowed to go out with friends, only boyfriends - explain that to me please, cuz I'm just gonna say that was STUUUUUUUUPID! Whatever.

Granted, I certainly was a puzzle, I didn't share my personal life and because I was so guarded, and I didn't often take the time to think my words through carefully. I was probably too straight forward as thoughts came from my head, had my goals and wasn't going to hold back from accomplishing those goals. I was rididulous but no nonsense at the same time. Peculiar, more likely.

I'd say in my current life, I probably am a snob, mainly in respect to quality and what I will and will not accept for my family. I don't care to go into dangerous areas and I don't care for my family to go anywhere near them either. I have come to find out that my definition of dangerous is somewhat skewed from the views of others; I'm okay with that as well. I just don't take chances with my family.

In my current life, I still carry a lot of baggage from years past and some present issues. That's my personal burden and I deal with it as I need to or want to. I don't easily trust anyone and I can't imagine that I will ever fully share myself with anyone, just pieces at a time when I'm comfortable. I like people and adore my friends, but the burden is a part of me.

What I recognize now is that everyone has their own path. That path includes their own personal struggles and different and very varying abilities to handle those struggles. We all have different gifts as well. You don't have to like everyone but you should be nice to everyone. You have the option of enjoying pieces of a person but your choice should be to overlook faults when you can. Friends are family but family doesn't necessarily mean friend. Blood is actually not thicker than water either, so don't give me that line, I'm not buying it.

I really am a fairly boring and ordinary person. I have a strong drive and an abundance of energy, which can be annoying. I am private and guarded but I am also fairly open when it comes to helping others. I prefer to stay in my home and I prefer to be with only my daughter and husband the majority of the time. I don't have hobbies other than writing and reading, unless you count vacuumming and cleaning my house (which I don't - I consider that an obsession.)

I have a firm hold on my life, happiness, and confidence within myself. I'm okay with me, now.

Envy and Egos

In my mountain of magazines that come every month, I came across an article about a woman considered to be an up&coming in the political world (5280 if you must know.) Honestly, I really try to avoid discussing politics with most people as I'm just far too conservative for the tastes of most and the subjects just get me so heated that I can hardly function. The last election, mainly the coverage and name calling, put me over the edge for months - okay, actually in my house and with a few close friends I'm still bitching about it. I don't watch the news anymore but I read, and read, and read.

This article caught my eye because this woman, Dana Perino, was from Colorado and a Bush girl. Both of which, I am whole-heartedly a member. No matter the mistakes or lack of sophistication at public speaking, I continue to adore President Bush. He made me proudER to be an American and his public handling of 9/11 spoke to me on a level I can't quite describe.

Seeing this woman described as up&coming, despite being a Bush supporter, intrigued me. So I started reading. She's from Colorado and didn't go to the Ivy League schools; heck, she went to Pueblo for college - even I would never have bothered with that school. I considered it inferior. I kept reading and then I was hit with huge news that has sent me into a bit of a shock. SHE IS MY AGE! For goodness sake, when did this happen? A republican woman, who is MY age, is considered an up & coming political figure. And she's BLONDE!

I remember when the Colorado Rockies roster started holding players younger than me; that was disturbing. When ALL the players were younger than me, I was a little depressed - perhaps that's why I was a Larry Walker fan for so long and wanted him to stay with the team forever. It hurts! It hurts to see everyone getting younger when you don't realize you're getting older.

So, now, while I'm very impressed with Dana and a little upset with the journalist that wrote the article for writing a few things that made her appear immature and self-centered; I also hate her, just a little tiny bit. Envy...

I mean really, we're the same age, we're both from Colorado, and we're both republicans (granted she's a complete hottie and likely had some opportunities that I didn't have along the way.) But what the heck does she have that I haven't got? I guarantee I never sat on a conference call doodling my name and looking bored (as per the journalist), I got the work done! I was always a top performer. I guarantee that I would never have come up with a catch phrase like "not so fast, sunshine" and never actually would have thought it would be a good idea to say it on a political news show while trying to ride the wave and move forward in my career. Nor would I have been naive enough to let a journalist witness me saying such a thing and thinking I was clever. So why is this woman moving forward in her career and I'm sitting at home? I mean really, those instances a bit moronic.

If I'd continued to work and not become a stay-at-home mom for the past five years, I'd probably still be a key figure in my workplace but I wasn't going to rise to the top management. If you're a top performer, you never really move out of your position - you just get added work and more responsibility. Absolutely that comes with power as well as fantastic job satisfaction, but it's not a blinking, lighted banner announcing your successes. Do I want that?

Never would I have traded my opportunity to have a child and stay at home with her, that's been the biggest blessing of my life and I have treasured this time and completely appreciate it. Sincerely, I believe what I do now is far more important than what Dana or any political figure is doing. However, there's still that competitive envy.

I hope she does well and continues her rise, for all women. I want to see that success for my daughter's future.

Just from the article basics and life experience, I still have to wonder what IT is and I think I know. Politicians and top management figures say the darndest things, aren't we all chatting about the last idiotic statement one of them made publicly? Of course, we're reading about them in articles written my journalists who appear to have lost the ability to proofread and spell-check their craft before it's viewed by tens of millions of people.

It's ego. If you THINK you're the best, that's great, but once you're putting yourself out there and PROCLAIMING you're the best, I think you move to that next platform.

Now, I know that I personally will never be proclaiming myself anything. There's always someone out there who is a little better, a little faster, a little smarter, or has some other edge. No one is irreplaceable in business. While I'm a performer and know I can accomplish anything I put my mind to, and have proven that with references to back it up, I'm forever the office cheerleader. I'm happy, I'm bubbly, and I like to have a good time.

I sincerely believe that everyone should be happy at work and supportive of their teammates; there's no reason to spend that kind of time at a job if it's merely about a paycheck. Of course, I've had a few stops in my career at some pretty crumby companies and working for some very devious individuals, and on occassion I put up with the situation far longer than I really should have. I can't say I didn't benefit from the experiences; I learned to listen to my own intuition regarding the atmosphere, what I will and will not live with, and I've built a solid knowledge in my profession from nearly every angle. Everyone needs a paycheck, but there are a million ways to get it.

I know when I go back to work in a real office, I'll once again be the performer and will appreciate my own accomplishments. I'll just have to leave the platform for others. I don't want to be the office ego, I want to come back to real life and my family.

Maybe I'll again be lucky enough to find an ego that I want to cheer for and I'll continue to perform and hold the platform up, so it doesn't crumble.

Who Knew the Bucket of Gold was at KMart?

While shopping for my daughter for Christmas, in particular I was searching for the Barbie Clean Up Pup set; I took a detour and decided to check out the availability at KMart. Normally you couldn't pay me to walk into a KMart, I just don't like them and don't think the quality is all that hot and the service isn't real friendly.

However, Target didn't have Barbie Clean Up Pup and Toys R Us is on the other side of town and the roads were nicely covered with ice and it was LATE. This toy has been on my daughter's "must have" list since just after her birthday when she saw it at Toys R Us. It was on the top of the Santa List and she'd talked to Santa about it specifically.

Miss Fabulous is 5 years old, just turned 5, and seriously BELIEVES. I want to encourage that! Clean Up Pup HAD to happen and I was worried about the stock. While I DO shop early and get this work done before most people start, I've been through the Christmas stock issues in years past and had to order a toy off Amazon for three times the regular price to ensure that Christmas happened for a 2 year old. I am severely OCD with my organization and I worry, actually I stress to the point of back pain and headaches if I'm not prepared in advance and that's WAY FAR in advance.

So I stopped and grudgingly walked myself into KMart after I made certain my doors were securely locked and reassured myself that I could be rewarded with a Starbucks after the visit was over. I searched all the aisles in toyland and finally was happy to see one last Clean Up Pup set sitting on the end of the Barbie section. Mine! Mine! Mine!!!!!!

Okay, so you'd think I'd have walked out after that and I really should have and truly intended to do so. After all, my skin was itchy and I already thought I needed to shower immediately. However, the kid's clothing is on the way out and I happened to notice Princess Tiana pajamas from the new Disney Princess & The Frog movie. Well, my daughter is a HUGE fan and had been eagerly awaiting the movie. The gift she picked out for her birthday was the Princess Tiana gown at Disneyland and she'd already read the book as well.

My skin absolutely crawled at the idea of outfitting my daughter in clothes from KMart (yeah, I'm a suburban snob) but it was Princess Tiana. As I was carefully inspecting the stitching and internally debating whether this was truly something I could deal with and leaning toward a yes, something gaudy caught my eye and I looked up. Princess Tiana pajamas went into my cart and I walked toward it.

I still do NOT believe this - metallic gold and metallic silver pants. For girls. I started laughing out loud (great, now I was the one looking like a nutjob in KMart.) No way, right?! Absolutely the truth - gold metallic leggings and silver metallic leggings for young girls. Not many people were in there but I did turn a few heads with my giggles. They were absolutely horrible! Then I had a thought!

Miss Fabulous would LOVE these! Yup, they were horrible but she would ADORE them! So I bought them - they were only five dollars.

When I got home, Miss Fabulous was already in bed. In preparation of washing the invisible bugs off the KMart clothes, I went to work getting the tags off the KMart clothing as my husband went off to hide the toys in the basement. Bad news, neither gold metallic pants nor silver metallic pants are washable. Okay, these are size six and smaller, how would a parent get away with never washing the clothes of a kid this age? "Spot clean with a damp cloth only, do not dry." I laughed out loud, yeah right! Well, those clothes were getting washed, period.

I sent the husband downstairs with the silver ones to hide for Christmas and I figured I'd give just the gold ones a whirl and see what happened. If I destroyed a five dollar item, I could live with it. I turned them inside out and threw them in the washer. I didn't dry them, just in case. I was relieved when they turned out just fine.

When Miss Fabulous got up in the morning, I surprised her with her new gold pants and she was ELATED! She was so excited that she couldn't wait to immediately put them on and wear them all day. Okay, they actually were pretty darn cute on her - they are absolutely her personality. She's enjoyed a month of showing them off to her preschool teachers, dance teachers, and family and she's really proud of those gold pants. She even wore them on New Year's Eve along with a black shirt covered in sparkly sequins and some big, gaudy diamond jewelry. By the way, silver was equally well-received on Christmas Eve.

So the kid looks like a rock star, literally, and the snob mom got a deal at KMart. I may even think about going there again, someday.

Facebook Addiction

Last February, I finally took the time to sign up for Facebook after being pestered for months by friends. At the time, I was admittedly going through a rough patch in my life due to mental illness of a family member. Compounding that trauma was a husband who travels very constantly and being a stay at home mom and having zero interest in doing anything outside of my daughter's life. (I was a ridiculous and emotional mess.)

So, I signed up and "friended" the folks who'd been pestering me to join. Within a week, I was shocked at the friend requests and seeing names I'd not seen in years. From high school and grade school, living in various places, old work mates, and even family I'd lost touch with. Okay, that was pretty cool and seeing pictures of everyone's interests and family members was a bonus. I adore seeing my school friends that I grew up with and admiring the change in those people; they're now adults doing what they love, struggling with their own issues and identities (and sometimes you can help as a friend which is a huge bonus), and building their own wonderful families.

Some of the friends were never really friends and I wouldn't want them in my real life. There are some look-e-loo's from the past who friend you just to see what you have, what you're doing, and whether your life is blatantly disastrous as they're probably hoping. Well, I'm actually okay with that too. I went ahead and put my address on there for those folks, go ahead and zillow it, I don't care. I'm pretty darn happy with my life overall so...whatever. That's all material information and it's not what matters in life to me although I'm admittedly blessed and appreciate it. (If they're bothering with that, they're probably not very happy people anyway.)

I'm actually a very private person. I don't share a lot of my private life with anyone. I think each of my good friends has a piece of that privacy but no one holds the key to the complete picture and I prefer it that way. You keep your private life protected and private for the sake of your own sanity and your family. However, I do, on occassion, share a piece of my private life if it will help another person in their own growth or whatever they might be struggling with. I wouldn't have it any other way, making a difference for someone else is what life is about.

THAT is how I discovered the fun and magic of Facebook. When you're bored, having a tough day, or just need that comfort, Facebook works. I discovered that there are a bunch of stay at home moms going through exactly what I do on a day-to-day basis. There are others tending to tantrums with kids in time-out. There are others who are still so completely lost. There are those who post the most thought provoking status messages that get you through your day or just exercise your brain slightly. And then there are the folks who weren't anywhere near close to you and somehow you form a connection through space.

From the comfort of my own home, I can have a conversation over the span of multiple hours - as time allows. I have laughed myself into hysterics with other ladies and men across the country while my daughter is in her room sleeping and my husband is out of state. When my daughter is in time-out, or just having an overtly dramatic day, and I'm aggravated beyond belief, there is no doubt a friend there who can snap ME out of my funk and elevate my mood or who makes me realize just how wonderful my life actually is - and I can walk away with a smile. When I'm having an extraordinarily happy and overaccomplished day, I can share that and experience some sort of applause from friends who are genuinely happy for me. Maybe motivate another person to achieve their dreams or take another step forward as well?

It is, very definitely, an addiction and you MUST watch yourself and the time you're spending on the computer closely. Finding the balance between taking care of my daughter and my house while being a Facebook addict has been an adjustment, but I thankfully still have all my senses, most of the time. My time playing Mafia Wars and joining a clan notwithstanding...

I do believe I'm a better person in real life with my Facebook account. Sharing bits of experience, funny stories about your kids, information that you've researched, or just applause for someone else's accomplishment has enabled me to merge so many parts of my privacy that there are fewer aspects to keep track of and I'm a more complete being. When I write, I think, which is likely something my brain has been craving since I became a stay at home mom. I also think more clearly about my own life and have to reflect on the importance or non-importance of various struggles on a very daily basis. I honestly appreciate that and the balance that it provides me.

Religion is one aspect that I don't care to share. I consider my relationship with God between him, me, and the church and I can't get into sharing that private relationship. I would rather explore that on my own through thought and prayer, but there are many religious posts by friends that encourage that relationship and have helped me build on that as well. So many of those messages are a secret gift and they tend to arrive just when you need them; sometimes I wonder if God has a facebook account working through others. I don't think those individuals even know what benefit they're giving others.

So, off into oblivion I'll head, randomly connecting with friends I know and friends I don't - to learn more about them, more about life, and more about myself. I'm excited to see who has their next accomplishment, fulfills a dream, or just the friends who are honestly enjoying and living their lives. I'll stay up too late laughing at the hilarity of someone's experience and be greatful that they shared the story. In the future, I hope to watch their babies grow, learn, and step out into the world as better people because of this resource (or super-annoyed that their parents shared too much info to the point that they will have to speak to the Oprah-replacement person on public television.)

I sincerely believe that life is all about people and properly learning to engage and enrich each other's lives in a positive way. I'll be here taking care of my baby, vacuuming my house, and engaging in reality, as I should; but I will remain thankful for that Facebook account and the escape.

Nearly a year has passed since I opened that account during the drama and trauma in my life and I am so happy, so blessed, and a more complete person but more importantly, I recognize it.

Christmas isn't always cool

Christmas is always the craziest time; what other months brings out such a mammoth proportion of emotions? I'm still not sure whether I love it, hate it, dread it, or fear it. Maybe that's why Halloween is my favorite. I've also heard psychologists and psychiatrists say that it's their busiest time of the year, everyone with mental problems gets worse and everyone without mental problems finds some problems.

There are good parts - time with SOME of the family, watching Miss Fabulous open her gifts, the countdown, the excitement over the silly chocolates in the Advent Calendar, the beautiful lights, the decorations, and the memories.

Then there are the OTHER parts - time with SOME of the family, shopping (I happen to hate shopping), shopping for the perfect gift that the recipient will end up hating and voicing their displeasure over, the food that adds inches to your waistline upon immediate consumption, the scale, trying to remember everyone you need to find gifts for, getting those gifts sent off on time (and I'm never on time), and the MEMORIES.

Here's how last Christmas went down.

Since spring, we had been helping my grandmother get rid of more than 70 years of accumulated junk and clean up her house for sale. More accurately we had been doing all the work, unpaid, and paying for repairs out of our own pockets while we were yelled at and accused of stealing (old coffee filters for coffee pots that no longer work are apparently worth at least a dime and we were throwing them away, which was reported to other family as stealing!) We even went so far as to move Grandma into our home for a few months when we had it painted for her (it had been more than 25 years since it was painted and several things were falling apart) - BIG MISTAKE, the woman is a living nightmare - because she CLAIMED she was allergic to the fumes, she's apparently allergic to everything and also a hypochondriac with imaginary diseases and severe personality disorders.

During that time I also had to put my 17 1/2 year old dog to sleep and I won't even bother sharing the nasty comments my Grandmother had about my dog. Then there's the issue with Grandma and my mom, who do NOT get along; therefore, my mom avoided coming to my home as much as possible during the two months Grandma was here. Mom is also apparently going through some sort of mental issues and maybe there'll be a BOOK about that someday because I promise it's too long and dramatic for a blog.

Got Grandma moved back into her home and sold it nearly immediately with closing on December 19th. Got it done driving back and forth with my realtor friend and got Grandma moved into her new Assisted Living apartment; of course, with lots of complaints and yelling and backaches moving crap that was broken, not working, but she just HAD to keep.

Heck, I even got all the shopping done and thought I'd done so well with the perfect gifts for every family member. I was so excited to see everyone's reactions and pleasure on Christmas! Mom and dad were coming to our house for Christmas Eve and we'd have everyone including Grandma on Christmas for dinner.

Well, Christmas Eve arrived. As my husband and I were preparing dinner, my daughter (4 at the time) called my parents to see what time they thought they would be coming over so we could time the lobster dinner correctly. Then I heard my dad on the other end of the phone telling my child that my mom wasn't coming for Christmas Eve, I immediately grabbed the phone from my baby and left the room so she couldn't hear. My mom was apparently mad at me and was not coming because we helped Grandma and she assumed Grandma was invited and my mom didn't feel we'd done enough to invite her - apparently I should have sent engraved invitations to my parents. That's not quite true - I only needed to send an invitation to my mother because my dad understood the plans fully. Mom was also apparently mad because a week prior I had hung up on her as she was bad-mouthing Grandma and arguing with me about Grandma issues that mom had not been involved in. I'd talked to her several times since then and I assumed it was all over and done with, there had been no indication that she was mad and she'd said nothing about it.

I briefed my husband without too many details, avoided letting my daughter in on any drama or details, and did what any luke-warm Catholic, suburban mom would do - I proceded to go into the garage and beat the crap out of all the plastic storage containers and cried like a big baby.

I had a 4 year old and it was Christmas Eve, I had to be the mommy and perform the Holiday magic. So, I dried my tears, restacked the storage containers, put a fake smile on my face and went inside the house to finish dinner. My dad arrived ALONE but with gifts and we all tried to be happy and cheery while seething with fury at what my mother had decided to do on Christmas Eve. Then we opened Christmas gifts, which was difficult but at least there was something fun to look forward to. Miss Fabulous was elated at everything and that made the smiles come more easily. I had gotten my dad the perfect gift (or so I thought until several months later) - Rockies Season Tickets! We had the money and I went for it because he LOVES baseball and loves going to the games!!! Finally, the perfect gift!!! He said he really liked it and seemed really surprised. Great! (Until the end of April when he told me that it was no fun going because my mom didn't like the heights and wouldn't sit with him - they were front row over homeplate, the views were fantastic. So that expensive gift went unused with the exception of 3 baseball games, two of which my husband and I went to.)

The cookies & milk routine was great, but it was a relief when my daughter went to bed and I could fill my husband in on everything fully and let my hair down a little. I think I might have had a glass of wine as well...or two.

On Christmas Day, my daughter woke up and opened her presents and was so excited! That is always an amazing experience and there's not a way you can't appreciate and look forward to that. My husband and I went to work getting Christmas dinner ready while we listened to Miss Fabulous play with her new toys. Unfortunately, the clock also ticked away, Grandma kept calling to find out when I was picking her up, and I finally had to go pick up Grandma at Assisted Living so she could join us. My dad arrived at my house during that time as well - funny how he couldn't pick up his own mother on the way over. Whatever.

Grandma was very surprised at her gift - we got her a new dining room table and chairs. Her old ones were falling apart, so wobbly that they were a safety hazard for someone her age or mine, and they couldn't be repaired anymore. After excessive arguing with my Grandmother about their condition (no we will NOT be moving them across the state or paying for storage space for it) and value (or lack thereof) I had the auctioneer take them and even he couldn't sell them for even a dollar, so they were eventually trashed and we paid for disposal. (Of course, about two months later one of my great aunts told me that Grandma had told her about the dining table and how ugly it was. Apparently that expensive gift wasn't as nice as the old, falling apart metal set that even a charity wouldn't accept during a bad economy.)

For all my in-laws, we did Disney Gift Cards. They were all preparing to visit Disneyland in February and without a doubt, I'm sure my nieces and nephews and MIL had a great time shopping there. I had even taken the time to send one of my nieces a new Cinderella gown and tiara and nightgown that I picked up for her there in October. Amazingly I even sent it to her on time for her November birthday!

Never heard from my mother, I have no idea how she liked her gifts. Miss Fabulous and I searched extensively for these shirts that we had all looked at while we were in Disneyland in October (my husband and I had also paid for my parents to accompany us for our daughter's birthday celebration at the nicest Disney hotel and arranged a delivered surprise to their door every evening to make the trip more special for them.) Miss Fabulous, my mom, and I had looked at these shirts, LOVED them, and planned on going back to buy some of them but forgot before we left. So, I did my internet research and found a fabulous supplier who had an even greater variety. I picked what I thought were the most beautiful designs and then Miss Fabulous picked out a few for her as well. Miss Fabulous had also done a lot of shopping and picked out some special gifts, but not a word. For nearly six months. And then there was a counseling session...but more about that trauma in the proposed book.

Of course, I should mention that Christmas (or any other Holiday) has always brought with it issues and negative attitudes resulting from my mother and her actions over the years; there are a lot of really bad memories of gift complaints and yelling and screaming. Things were much easier when we lived far away in California and I actually had finally come to appreciate the Holiday and looked forward to it, especially since I had my daughter. Things really hadn't been that bad since we moved back to Colorado in 2006, but 2008 was an extreme year.

That brings us to THIS past Christmas, 2009. I dreaded it, avoided it, and just wanted to run away with my family. I stressed about it, my dad stressed about it, and I think my husband wanted to avoid it. Miss Fabulous was ready for it!!! There's a child involved so, it was on!

I got my daughter the Advent Calendar and on the first day she looked for the number to open the door to get the chocolate, the movie Bad Santa popped into my head. "Jesus kid, what is it with you and that Advent Calendar!" "A candy corn? Well now, they can't all be winners now can they?!" I promptly spit water out of nose at just the thought of these things and wasn't sure I'd be able to stop laughing. Couldn't possibly answer my daughter's questions as to why I spit water out and was laughing hysterically.

I went shopping, early. On a much more limited budget than in years past, unfortunately. My daughter was a BREEZE to shop for, that was great! However, then she added things to her list at the last moment - which was tough to accommodate. My husband and I had agreed not to get each other gifts, made things a little more relaxing and put reality into perspective. Everyone else - Visa gift cards. So sorry, but I'm not going to hear the crap this year that someone didn't like a gift that I fretted over and lovingly purchased. Nope, no one gets anything personal, shop for yourselves!

There was still the issue of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. While my mom was speaking to me again, there is still tension and things will probably never be the same. I believe in forgiving but forgetting is stupid, part of life's lessons. What do you do? I'm an only child, my dad ONLY has me. If I don't have Christmas, he doesn't get Christmas. If I invite him, it has to include my mom. If I invite my mom, would we have to go through a repeat of the previous year? Well, I'm just not interested in a repeat and really just want Christmas with my kid. Christmas Eve was on a Friday, I didn't invite my parents until the Tuesday night before. The invite was for Christmas Eve dinner and if they wanted to come for gift opening in the morning on Christmas Day. After a really stupid discussion about my Grandma, they, or should I say she, agreed to come. My dad was always planning on coming.

Long story short and no gory details, Christmas went just fine this year and we had a great time. However, three days later is another story...next year I just may decorate my house in a Nightmare Before Christmas theme. I have my focus and there's always prozac.

Happy New Year!

Disney, Disney, Disney

Disney, Disney, Disney.

We didn't go visit Disneyland for Christmas this year and it's been so darn cold here in Colorado. We did get away to Northern California for a company thing and added in a quick visit to see my niece & nephews and that was absolutely fantastic. But then we came home, and it's cold, oh so cold in Colorado. I love looking at the sun out of my windows but I don't want my skin to touch that cold temperature outside. Perhaps that's why my brain is dreaming of a vacation to somwhere OUT OF MY HOUSE.

So to the computer I go, basically all day now because my kidlet is sick with a cold. I've looked at cruises (what if one of us gets sea sick?), Hawaii (such a long flight and what if the restaurants there don't have food my daughter likes), the Carribean (yeah right, leaving the country), the Bahamas (I like the USA and what about the food?), and Mexico (the don't drink the water stories are really enough for me even if the US annexed it.) So, I went back to Disney, but this time I started looking at DisneyWorld! I think I've reviewed every hotel in the vicinity, every restaurant, every shop, every attraction, and every Theme Park. It all looks really promising. So I start messing with arrangements and pricing and start thinking about this multiple thousand dollar trip as well as the longer flight we'd have to endure...

I mention the DisneyWorld possibility to my daughter at lunch time and her first comment "I'm not so sure about this; what if they don't have the kind of food I like there?" Hey, Miss Fabulous, this is Disney, they KNOW what food you like plus I showed her the printed out menus I've collected - when I research something I go all out. After looking at the restaurants and menus, she thought maybe DisneyWorld would be fun.

The husband comes home for lunch and I inform him of our discussion and he is interested. However, then I mention the cost and that perhaps since we need to renew our Annual Passes for Disneyland in a few months anyway that Disneyland would be cheaper and, of course, there's the new character meal that we haven't yet experienced. My reasoning goes on to include the free airfare from his frequent flier mileage and he tells me that we can use that to go to Florida just as easily. Okay, but then there's the hotel credits he gets and we can stay at this easily walkable location at Disneyland again, get his automatic upgrade to the suite, and the hotel costs us nothing as well. Really, we can just wait and save up even more and do DisneyWorld big, maybe later in the year, perhaps December or January.

For all my silly research (remember I'm the sole instigator), I believe I have once again convinced everyone that we're better off staying with Disneyland and just going there again. Plus with those annual passes, we'll probably go for free in October and get two trips out of it. Why has this taken me 6 hours of internet research for alternate vacation destinations?

I guess I'll just continue sitting in my house, looking at the sun, laughing at myself, and waiting for the tax refund to come so I can once again call Disneyland. In the meantime, I'm still looking at DisneyWorld vacations for December.

Inherited Genes?

I'm appalled, but I believe my daughter has the male-sick gene. Miss Fabulous is sick, not seriously, but she's got a little cold. Should have known night before last when she asked for her water cup to be filled up again and I noticed that my throat felt really dry too. Should have known when she was super sweet during grocery shopping and didn't bother talking to any strangers; usually she wants to talk to EVERYONE at the grocery store and check out their cart contents, as well as questioning the intended usage.

By the time we got home from the grocery store, Miss Fabulous announced that she was freezing, doesn't think our plan for dinner sounds so good anymore, and just wanted to lay down on the couch. Odd. She ate dinner (one baby carrot and a few bites of her cabbage pocket) and then went to lay back down on the couch. She requested to be covered up, and uncovered, and covered up... Miss Fabulous needed one of us to sit directly beside her, constantly - but don't move and don't get in her way of viewing the movie.

Miss Fabulous had to take a bath instead of a shower last night because it was "more relaxing" and she didn't believe she could stand up for the duration of a shower. Yes, she had a low grade fever, but I'm sure she was fine to stand up. She read her books, had her snack, and was ready for bed when she called me (pathetically whined actually) "Mommy, could you please sleep in my same bed with me tonight, so you can check to make sure I'm okay." Uh, no, I won't sleep with you, but I will check on you. You'll be just fine.

All night long "MOMMY!!!!!!", "DADDY!!!!!!!", "I NEED KLEENEX!!!!" and the whining. Surprisingly she ate her breakfast this morning very well and had energy to play a game, but requested that I put it away because she was sick. I denied that request and she handled it just fine on her own. At lunch I didn't have enough raspberries apparently, so when the husband came home for lunch, Miss Fabulous appealed to him "Daddy, came you please get me some raspberries?" He said yes, he'd get them later tonight after work. "Oh, but that's just too long for me to wait, it'll be like waiting forever" She's going to wait. She was done with her lunch after eating only a few bites and said "Daddy, will you please clean up my lunch for me?" He asked why she couldn't do it. She pathetically whined "because, I'm really just not feeling so well and need to go lay down." He did it for her.

Exactly where does one inherit this behavior? When I'm sick, I don't want to talk about it and I want to be alone. I've only observed this from men - the sighs and extra dramatic coughs and lack of energy to do much of anything but be catered to. I'm fine catering to her a little and cuddling my baby, but this is unreal.

She'll get her raspberries in a few hours but until then, the drama queen will be laying on the couch, covered up, eating crackers with her water and a few tissues beside her. I will be in another room, avoiding the dramatic sighs, and awaiting my whining leader's directives and requests. When I told her she was a drama queen, I didn't actually mean she was a Queen. Maybe we can discuss this and come to an understanding as she gets older.