But I kept my mouth shut...

I'm pretty upset with myself. I've let something go on in my child's classroom for months now without making it stop. I should have spoken up sooner but...I like the teachers as people so much and didn't want to put further wedgies in the situation, I already call conferences regularly just to deal with the educational issues. But this one was harder, it was just about being mean.

We all hate confrontation, I get that. I avoid dealing with inappropriate social issues like the plague, even when I know I should be saying something. It's just too much and I'd just rather focus on the good stuff. The important stuff.

I joined the PTA in school. I loved it, but....it took time to break in because I wasn't "one of the regular group." I had to assertively ASK to be able to participate and volunteer, repeatedly ask, and then repeatedly ask again. It wasn't a very welcoming environment. But I keep my mouth shut.

I'm a kindergarten mom. I don't dress up for PTA meetings, I see no purpose in running from my child's activities, taking care of my child, cleaning the house, taking care of the dogs, and getting my runs in to bother with putting on heels, jewelry, sparkles, and doing my hair to impress another group of MOMS. I don't understand why THEY do it - it's not status, it doesn't give you more money, it doesn't help your kid, and it further excludes you from the majority of mothers and fathers who also don't have the time or energy to do that. I've heard people say it, this is why they don't show up for the meetings. The PTA for next year's school is very different and I'm looking forward to that environment. But, this year, I keep my mouth shut.

I gathered more than ten thousand dollars in donations for the school's silent auctions, while watching others report that they just didn't have the time and couldn't get around to doing things. Why in the world did they not ASK for help? So many people were willing to do it! But I kept my mouth shut.

Then I got to listen to other moms who had "flaked" on their own tasks make jokes about some of the donations I had gotten. Inside my head, I'm thinking "you ladies are serious losers; you do the bare minimum but critique others who have performed, you are making fun of business people who want to help YOUR children, but great job on your necklace and outfit. Petty, petty, petty women." But I kept my mouth shut.

Keeping our mouths shut is really what we're supposed to do when you're around rude people, right?! Some things don't need attention and some things don't need to be shared when it hurts others. I mean, that's what I try to teach my daughter, just ignore them and concentrate on yourself and your own behavior. In reality I'd rather beat their faces in, but I know...that's not right. Keep your mouth shut.

But really, this time I'm bothered and disappointed in myself. I kept my mouth shut when I should have opened it MUCH sooner. My child is in a pretty mean classroom. Apparently half the children were never taught manners appropriately, single other children out, speak horribly to each other, and even though the note went home in the newsletter to talk to our kids about being mean...it did no good.

Labels are abundant in our classroom and it's gotten worse all year. With a particular activity that the teacher is doing, it's being enforced and upheld and going to extremes with the children. Not only do they create friend lists for their memory books, they're creating good friend lists and BAD friend lists. And then they're putting the lists in their "bad" friend's backpacks and TELLING kids that they're bad. If the teacher shows everyone that someone has had bad behavior, the kids believe that that child is bad and have been saying it all year long.

I like our teacher. She's great, she's a wonderful person. I didn't want to make waves. I understood what she was trying to accomplish. But I heard this going on all. year. long. I kept my mouth shut. In this instance I failed. I failed my Miss Fabulous. I failed the other kids. I failed as a mother.

So today, with 6 days left of school, and now that I can not make a difference in changing this behavior and help the kids, I finally spoke up. I wrote a lengthy, detailed, and polite email to the teacher. I kept my mouth shut too long and I feel absolutely horrible about not taking care of this. Kids got hurt. Kids learned some really bad social behaviors.

My stomach is in knots and I feel horrible that I sent the email while still glad that I took the step and finally took care of expressing myself over this. Maybe it'll help future kids. Maybe the teachers next year will be able to redirect the kids to appropriate behaviors.

But in this instance, I know I failed. Because I kept my mouth shut.