Christmas isn't always cool

Christmas is always the craziest time; what other months brings out such a mammoth proportion of emotions? I'm still not sure whether I love it, hate it, dread it, or fear it. Maybe that's why Halloween is my favorite. I've also heard psychologists and psychiatrists say that it's their busiest time of the year, everyone with mental problems gets worse and everyone without mental problems finds some problems.

There are good parts - time with SOME of the family, watching Miss Fabulous open her gifts, the countdown, the excitement over the silly chocolates in the Advent Calendar, the beautiful lights, the decorations, and the memories.

Then there are the OTHER parts - time with SOME of the family, shopping (I happen to hate shopping), shopping for the perfect gift that the recipient will end up hating and voicing their displeasure over, the food that adds inches to your waistline upon immediate consumption, the scale, trying to remember everyone you need to find gifts for, getting those gifts sent off on time (and I'm never on time), and the MEMORIES.

Here's how last Christmas went down.

Since spring, we had been helping my grandmother get rid of more than 70 years of accumulated junk and clean up her house for sale. More accurately we had been doing all the work, unpaid, and paying for repairs out of our own pockets while we were yelled at and accused of stealing (old coffee filters for coffee pots that no longer work are apparently worth at least a dime and we were throwing them away, which was reported to other family as stealing!) We even went so far as to move Grandma into our home for a few months when we had it painted for her (it had been more than 25 years since it was painted and several things were falling apart) - BIG MISTAKE, the woman is a living nightmare - because she CLAIMED she was allergic to the fumes, she's apparently allergic to everything and also a hypochondriac with imaginary diseases and severe personality disorders.

During that time I also had to put my 17 1/2 year old dog to sleep and I won't even bother sharing the nasty comments my Grandmother had about my dog. Then there's the issue with Grandma and my mom, who do NOT get along; therefore, my mom avoided coming to my home as much as possible during the two months Grandma was here. Mom is also apparently going through some sort of mental issues and maybe there'll be a BOOK about that someday because I promise it's too long and dramatic for a blog.

Got Grandma moved back into her home and sold it nearly immediately with closing on December 19th. Got it done driving back and forth with my realtor friend and got Grandma moved into her new Assisted Living apartment; of course, with lots of complaints and yelling and backaches moving crap that was broken, not working, but she just HAD to keep.

Heck, I even got all the shopping done and thought I'd done so well with the perfect gifts for every family member. I was so excited to see everyone's reactions and pleasure on Christmas! Mom and dad were coming to our house for Christmas Eve and we'd have everyone including Grandma on Christmas for dinner.

Well, Christmas Eve arrived. As my husband and I were preparing dinner, my daughter (4 at the time) called my parents to see what time they thought they would be coming over so we could time the lobster dinner correctly. Then I heard my dad on the other end of the phone telling my child that my mom wasn't coming for Christmas Eve, I immediately grabbed the phone from my baby and left the room so she couldn't hear. My mom was apparently mad at me and was not coming because we helped Grandma and she assumed Grandma was invited and my mom didn't feel we'd done enough to invite her - apparently I should have sent engraved invitations to my parents. That's not quite true - I only needed to send an invitation to my mother because my dad understood the plans fully. Mom was also apparently mad because a week prior I had hung up on her as she was bad-mouthing Grandma and arguing with me about Grandma issues that mom had not been involved in. I'd talked to her several times since then and I assumed it was all over and done with, there had been no indication that she was mad and she'd said nothing about it.

I briefed my husband without too many details, avoided letting my daughter in on any drama or details, and did what any luke-warm Catholic, suburban mom would do - I proceded to go into the garage and beat the crap out of all the plastic storage containers and cried like a big baby.

I had a 4 year old and it was Christmas Eve, I had to be the mommy and perform the Holiday magic. So, I dried my tears, restacked the storage containers, put a fake smile on my face and went inside the house to finish dinner. My dad arrived ALONE but with gifts and we all tried to be happy and cheery while seething with fury at what my mother had decided to do on Christmas Eve. Then we opened Christmas gifts, which was difficult but at least there was something fun to look forward to. Miss Fabulous was elated at everything and that made the smiles come more easily. I had gotten my dad the perfect gift (or so I thought until several months later) - Rockies Season Tickets! We had the money and I went for it because he LOVES baseball and loves going to the games!!! Finally, the perfect gift!!! He said he really liked it and seemed really surprised. Great! (Until the end of April when he told me that it was no fun going because my mom didn't like the heights and wouldn't sit with him - they were front row over homeplate, the views were fantastic. So that expensive gift went unused with the exception of 3 baseball games, two of which my husband and I went to.)

The cookies & milk routine was great, but it was a relief when my daughter went to bed and I could fill my husband in on everything fully and let my hair down a little. I think I might have had a glass of wine as well...or two.

On Christmas Day, my daughter woke up and opened her presents and was so excited! That is always an amazing experience and there's not a way you can't appreciate and look forward to that. My husband and I went to work getting Christmas dinner ready while we listened to Miss Fabulous play with her new toys. Unfortunately, the clock also ticked away, Grandma kept calling to find out when I was picking her up, and I finally had to go pick up Grandma at Assisted Living so she could join us. My dad arrived at my house during that time as well - funny how he couldn't pick up his own mother on the way over. Whatever.

Grandma was very surprised at her gift - we got her a new dining room table and chairs. Her old ones were falling apart, so wobbly that they were a safety hazard for someone her age or mine, and they couldn't be repaired anymore. After excessive arguing with my Grandmother about their condition (no we will NOT be moving them across the state or paying for storage space for it) and value (or lack thereof) I had the auctioneer take them and even he couldn't sell them for even a dollar, so they were eventually trashed and we paid for disposal. (Of course, about two months later one of my great aunts told me that Grandma had told her about the dining table and how ugly it was. Apparently that expensive gift wasn't as nice as the old, falling apart metal set that even a charity wouldn't accept during a bad economy.)

For all my in-laws, we did Disney Gift Cards. They were all preparing to visit Disneyland in February and without a doubt, I'm sure my nieces and nephews and MIL had a great time shopping there. I had even taken the time to send one of my nieces a new Cinderella gown and tiara and nightgown that I picked up for her there in October. Amazingly I even sent it to her on time for her November birthday!

Never heard from my mother, I have no idea how she liked her gifts. Miss Fabulous and I searched extensively for these shirts that we had all looked at while we were in Disneyland in October (my husband and I had also paid for my parents to accompany us for our daughter's birthday celebration at the nicest Disney hotel and arranged a delivered surprise to their door every evening to make the trip more special for them.) Miss Fabulous, my mom, and I had looked at these shirts, LOVED them, and planned on going back to buy some of them but forgot before we left. So, I did my internet research and found a fabulous supplier who had an even greater variety. I picked what I thought were the most beautiful designs and then Miss Fabulous picked out a few for her as well. Miss Fabulous had also done a lot of shopping and picked out some special gifts, but not a word. For nearly six months. And then there was a counseling session...but more about that trauma in the proposed book.

Of course, I should mention that Christmas (or any other Holiday) has always brought with it issues and negative attitudes resulting from my mother and her actions over the years; there are a lot of really bad memories of gift complaints and yelling and screaming. Things were much easier when we lived far away in California and I actually had finally come to appreciate the Holiday and looked forward to it, especially since I had my daughter. Things really hadn't been that bad since we moved back to Colorado in 2006, but 2008 was an extreme year.

That brings us to THIS past Christmas, 2009. I dreaded it, avoided it, and just wanted to run away with my family. I stressed about it, my dad stressed about it, and I think my husband wanted to avoid it. Miss Fabulous was ready for it!!! There's a child involved so, it was on!

I got my daughter the Advent Calendar and on the first day she looked for the number to open the door to get the chocolate, the movie Bad Santa popped into my head. "Jesus kid, what is it with you and that Advent Calendar!" "A candy corn? Well now, they can't all be winners now can they?!" I promptly spit water out of nose at just the thought of these things and wasn't sure I'd be able to stop laughing. Couldn't possibly answer my daughter's questions as to why I spit water out and was laughing hysterically.

I went shopping, early. On a much more limited budget than in years past, unfortunately. My daughter was a BREEZE to shop for, that was great! However, then she added things to her list at the last moment - which was tough to accommodate. My husband and I had agreed not to get each other gifts, made things a little more relaxing and put reality into perspective. Everyone else - Visa gift cards. So sorry, but I'm not going to hear the crap this year that someone didn't like a gift that I fretted over and lovingly purchased. Nope, no one gets anything personal, shop for yourselves!

There was still the issue of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. While my mom was speaking to me again, there is still tension and things will probably never be the same. I believe in forgiving but forgetting is stupid, part of life's lessons. What do you do? I'm an only child, my dad ONLY has me. If I don't have Christmas, he doesn't get Christmas. If I invite him, it has to include my mom. If I invite my mom, would we have to go through a repeat of the previous year? Well, I'm just not interested in a repeat and really just want Christmas with my kid. Christmas Eve was on a Friday, I didn't invite my parents until the Tuesday night before. The invite was for Christmas Eve dinner and if they wanted to come for gift opening in the morning on Christmas Day. After a really stupid discussion about my Grandma, they, or should I say she, agreed to come. My dad was always planning on coming.

Long story short and no gory details, Christmas went just fine this year and we had a great time. However, three days later is another story...next year I just may decorate my house in a Nightmare Before Christmas theme. I have my focus and there's always prozac.

Happy New Year!