A Pirate's Life for Me....not

The Pirates of the Caribbean Ride at Disneyland has been a family favorite since our daughter was one year old. It's definitely a darker ride and there are those drops and potential of getting wet that are turn-offs for a lot of the short riders. Initially, my daughter loved it because of the dogs and other animals. As she turned 3 years old, it became more of desire due to the THRILL of the drops aka "the weeeeee's" as they have been referred to in our house but the dogs were also a HUGE issue for Miss Fabulous. Over the week of her third birthday, I am certain we rode Pirates at least 50 times - every night was hard to sleep because the boat motion never stopped!

My daughter and I do play some games on this ride that we share with others who visit with us and the kids all seem to enjoy them terribly! Following the "weeeeee's," we wait for the two rooms on the left with the treasures. We put our hands out in front of us and being scooping the air and putting on the imaginary jewels and crowns and stuff our pockets with our gold. Then we wave our hands through the air as we go through the Davey Jones fog - I don't really know why anymore. We hold out imaginary cups as we go past the leaking barrel that is supposed to be filled with some sort of liquor; however, we are filling OUR cups with Starbucks - my daughter's idea and, yes, I am a Starbucks addict. We grab the dogs in the air and take them with us in the boat. And, before we take Captain Jack's jewels, we spend time at the burning logs collecting rubies and garnets - we don't acknowledge that this is fire, they're jewel logs to decorate ourselves from.

Now, we just finished my daughter's 5th birthday trip, and an odd conversation occurred that made us laugh and is still circling my brain. There is a spot on the ride where there are a few women lined up whom the pirates have captured and these women are being auctioned off to the pirate men. As we went past the "red head" (Disney fans will understand where this is), my daughter looked to the other side and noticed the sign that says "Buy a Bride." She read it and told me, "I never noticed that before, is that what you did, mom?" Surprised and giggling a little, I told her that this was an "old" scene and currently we women get to pick whom we will or will not marry. Huh...not a conversation I expected to have at this age.

I suppose we women can all be thankful, I certainly love choices and imaginary jewels.

Mommy and Me Time

What exactly is the difference between Mommy Time and Me Time? After waiting 13 years for a baby, the last thing I thought about for 4 years after that was ME time, though I heard it over and over and over again from other moms and I absolutely rolled my eyes at them albeit inside my head. I'm certainly always willing to spend time with girlfriends but the last thing I was looking for was a way to escape time with my child. In fact, I DREADED leaving my child - just in 15 minutes for a shower, you can miss an incredible moment with a young child. First steps (I was in the shower), first time drinking from a straw (I was in the shower), and first time putting a doll shoe up her nose (I was getting my hair done.) Okay, so the doll shoe in the nose that required a doctor visit and ER trip involving an IV and holding her down (which I did NOT miss) wasn't something to look forward to, but still I wish I'd been there to prevent it from happening in the first place. For the record, I do only take one shower a day - just so you know - but that shower caused me to miss some incredible moments.

I really do prefer my Mommy Time to the Me Time and I just don't get the ME thing as a necessity. It's nice sometimes, but not a requirement for me. Maybe it's because I was alone so much as a kid myself - I didn't get that interaction with either of my parents. Or maybe it's because I'm actually very introverted and don't crave a night out with a GROUP of anyone. Miss Fabulous is also terribly extroverted and she craves interaction even more so than other kids because of this trait. However, once my daughter was 4 1/2, I realized that she would not play independently - she just needed someone in the room to talk AT while playing, typical extrovert characteristic but a behavior that has to be learned. So for the past six months, I've found myself rewarding my child for her efforts and ability to self-entertain for periods of 30 minutes to an hour. I DO have to force myself to stay in a separate room because watching her is so much more entertaining and rewarding. I had no idea it would be this difficult. It's even more difficult when she continues to ASK for me to join her.

When I do take the time to visit with a friend over coffee or meet up for lunch, I tend to do it while Miss Fabulous is busy at school or some other kid activity. I am not allowed to be there for those times, so I don't feel as if I'm leaving or avoiding my child.

For five years now, I've heard so many friends who are mothers themselves, trying to encourage me to take time "for myself" and telling me that this time will make me a better mother. However, long before my daughter, during my workaholic days, I was constantly told to take breaks to prevent myself from "burning out." For 13 years, I did nothing but increase my work hours and work load and I never felt burned out, there was always a sense of satisfaction. Though some instances and situations were utterly annoying and I often felt like some people needed to be slapped to their senses, crossing off an item on my to do list or succeeding in an adventure was exhilarating. Now that my JOB is being a mom, I can't imagine not putting in my time and helping to create an incredible environment with unlimited experiences for this tiny human being.

While my husband does travel quite a lot, those extra hours for my alone time with my daughter are a privilege to me, not simply a responsibility. Of course, I'm also a very highly competitive individual, so admittedly, there is a desire for my daughter to enjoy her time with me MORE than time with dad. Shhhhh....don't tell, I don't think he's caught on yet. Well, maybe he has. I'm here ALL the time, so I am the enforcer of the rules in the house, which means time with dad is pretty much all fun & games. I have to work much harder to be the fun one as well as disciplinarian. Again, balance issues...

Is there a right answer or a wrong answer? Basically I have decided that it's individualistic. Some people need that me time and some people don't necessarily. I will always be available to my friends during school time and for a few hours over a weekend, but I'd rather excel at being mom. I'm quite certain that at the end of my life, my daughter will be the one with me and holding memories while my girlfriends will be with their children who hold their memories. As it should be and I'll love my girlfriends for giving their children those memories. I think maybe that IS the balance for me.

Disney Magic

My husband and I lived in So Cal for five years at the beginning of our marriage. We always LOVED going to Disneyland when we had a chance. It's really just a magical place. Even with horrendous crowds, there will be something that makes you smile, laugh, giggle, or, if you're lucky, something that opens your heart.

When our daughter was 2 1/2 months old, yes MONTHS, I began planning for her first birthday. Now don't even roll your eyes at that, my husband has already taken care of that task! When you've waited 13 years for a child, every event about that kid ends up being BIGGER. Disneyland was the only thing I could think of that was good enough for my baby's first birthday. Of course, I started planning it a little early; that's what I do, I plan! When the day came and we were there, it was truly amazing. She had just learned to walk and I'll never forget watching her toddle down the path past Big Thunder in her pink Stride Rites and Red LLBean jacket, overflowing mommy-tears of joy! Listening to her say "Wow!" over and over again was addicting, so cute, and also made me cry. When she slid off the hotel bed the second morning and ran to the door yelling "me go Dissy, me go Dissy!" I knew I succeeded in delighting this child and I wasted a lot of eye make-up.

I also have a girlfriend from San Diego who is a Disneyland addict (her husband proposed to her outside the Haunted Mansion and I'm still jealous!) She happened to have a baby just months after we did and we meet up at Disneyland when we visit, that's another special bonus. The first pictures of our children together are at Disneyland, in their 50th Anniversary Mickey Ears, sitting in the Golden Tea Cup. It's the first time I got to see her baby! How much more magical does it get?

Needless to say, the first birthday trip was so addicting and magical that I immediately made plans for the 2nd birthday. Disneyland is pure amazement for everyone and once you see your child's reaction to that magic, the experience is completely new. To top it off, every visit with your child is unique. What delights them on one trip is topped by something else on the next trip. Because of that initial experience, we've taken to visiting Disneyland three times a year as our family vacation. We now live in Colorado, so the journey is a bit further for us. We accommodate that by spending an entire week there each time we go and still, we simply never have the same experience and in 7 days we never have enough time to do everything. When my daughter was 2 1/2, she met her favorite Princess, Jasmine and that encounter and conversation was so incredible that my husband was teary-eyed!

These visits have made me NUTS about Disney. I am guilty of incorporating Disney into my home decor and, though tasteful, I do likely have more Disney things in my home than most people you will meet. Decorating with Disney is not easy, my colors are browns and burgundy, and I do insist that Disney pieces meet my decor rather than decorating around the items. Simply put, Disney must fit into our lives rather than us fitting into Disney's culture and that should mimic life.

I want ALL families to go to Disneyland (or DisneyWorld - whatever's closer for you!) The experience you have together as a family is so incredibly memorable - I still vividly remember my first trip as a kid and my dad's excitement before the trip. My hope is that my daughter will remember these times we spent with her and know just how much we loved being with her.

I am an unpaid, walking, talking advertisement for Disney, always trying to convince someone to get there with their kids and showing them how to save money to experience as much as possible - you never can tell where that special memory will occur for a child. Just knowing that bit of magic touched a child's heart or made a mother smile or a father cry, is a huge reward. Successfully encouraging someone to take that trip opens up another magical gift for me. While the family owns these amazing memories and will talk about them for years, a part of my heart smiles with the knowledge that a child had the gift of an incredibly happy time with their family and nothing will ever take away that piece of magic. I probably won't remember or know half those families in another 10 years and they probably won't remember me unless it's something like "that lady who was so nuts about Disney," but I'll always know that once they have experienced it, every individual will spend their life trying to repeat that magic for the people they love.

What girl doesn't remember those princess movies as we grew up? Though you can't recall all the details, who doesn't remember that family vacation and all the talk leading up to it? I am now one day away from that plane trip taking my family to Disneyland for my daughter's 5th birthday and I couldn't be more delighted and excited for this experience. I wonder what our amazing and memorable event will be, I wonder what fantastic pictures we'll bring home, and I wonder how much more my daughter will remember and take with her as she grows.

Disney connects families and miraculously opens the door to the magic and we can all use a little more magic. Bon voyage!

Workforce Women

I'd always wanted to work and be a perfectionistic superstar while rising to the top of that corporate food chain. So when I got my first job, I went to town! My OCD issues were such a huge asset, I could organize everything in the world and then re-organize, improving methods and outcomes each time. My energy levels were extreme and a 40 hour work week quickly turned into a 60 hour one for me. My supervisors were always ecstatic with my work ethic and the load I could, and very happily, carried. What I really didn't expect were the female aspects.

First, it's extremely hard to work with women - not all of them but there's a good chunk of them out there. Why in the world another woman would not want to see other females succeed is beyond me. Of course, being competitive, it's really difficult to watch anyone else promoted over yourself when you honestly believe you deserved it for whatever reasons, but still, how can you not be happy to see someone else succeed? It's your ticket to future successes! Workplace gossip over ladies who have a little cleavage showing or skirts slightly higher than they really should be has just got to end.

While I myself am fairly modest, I will admit to showing a little cleavage or wearing that short skirt on my way to get a permit I desperately need to get a project moving. So what? I've been happily married since the beginning of time and It's not like I gave anyone a lap dance or engaged in prostitution. I used the boobs to get someone's attention - if it works, why not? On the flip side, I've also used a very pregnant state to get what I wanted. If someone wants to believe I'm honestly a helpless pregnant woman and a few tears and theatrics can make someone interested in assisting another human being, what exactly is the problem with that?

Now, women in the workforce have a variety of personal situations. Some are married, some are not, some have kids, some do not - basic facts of life and it applies to men as well. Being married does not automatically mean that a woman will be popping out children within days of being hired. For thirteen years, I was questioned by various supervisors (and during interviews) as to my status of having children. No, I'm not personally interested in suing someone for this lack of charisma whether legal or not. However, can we all just agree that anything involving a woman's vagina and uterus should just be considered unmentionables in the work force? I don't remember any of the men I worked with being asked about the working state of their penis or whether they had checked their sperm count. Seriously folks, I'm working 80 hours a week for you and you acknowledge I'm doing a stellar job, it's not necessary to tell me that I'm getting older and need to get busy having kids or I may miss my chance.

I might also take the time to bring up the idea of a man giving a woman advice in the workplace. Now, I very much appreciate a senior male or female co-worker giving me knowledge of their experiences and methods that have worked or not worked for them in the past. I fully recognize and appreciate your information and would love to learn from you. However, O Wise One, I'm not completely certain your ideas for my being able to command authority in a room have much to do with whether my legs are crossed or not while chatting. Certainly body language is important and I do try to be well aware of those issues; however, once again, I am a woman and you are a man, there are some things we handle differently. I can and have commanded respect in a meeting with your experts while my legs were crossed in a lady-like fashion, I didn't feel it necessary to rest my ankle on top of my knee thus giving anyone a view of my crotch (O Wise One, you forgot sometimes women wear skirts but I didn't bother to remind you of that while you were "helping" me with your advice.) Bottom line, I don't tell you how to be a man, please don't tell me how to be a woman. Men have the advantage in some situations but I can guarantee I can convince one of your men to do something for me simply because I am a woman and that, in itself, is a huge advantage of being a woman.

Once I decided to leave the workforce to stay at home with my baby to be, I was relieved to think about NOT having to endure any further discussions of the above but it didn't last long. Although I sincerely appreciated the support for my decision to stay home, I simply never expected the men in my office (and yes, it was actually only men) to have so many opinions and expertise to share with me regarding breast feeding. Men, seriously, these are my boobs, I've had them my entire life, I will take care of them as I please and I know fully how to use them in more aspects that you can possibly imagine. I may have expected that conversation in Lamaze Class, but not in a meeting for a large professional office building. Okay, thanks boys, can we please get back to discussing the structural issues we're having before the right side of the building collapses? My boobs are not strong enough for that kind of reinforcement.

Now, as Miss Fabulous approaches her 5th birthday, I am again thinking of rejoining the workforce. I mean, with these mounting number of dance classes desired and really just months before she is in school full-time, what else would I do with my time? I really do need a challenge and I'm already finished reconstructing everything on my home aka my unemployed construction habit. I've mastered cleaning the house and according to my realtor my house is cleaner than 95% of the houses out there that are ON the market (PS Folks, we're going to talking about cleaning another time!) - huge kudos to my OCD issues! So, where's a good place for a mom to land to fulfill that desire to achieve?

I've never worked while being a mom before, so those 80 hour work weeks are going to have to be a thing of the past or at least a rarity. Now I have to deal with the employers who automatically believe that because I am a mother (I'm also a very honest interviewee) I will likely call in sick to work all the time and miss so many days that my work will never have a chance of being completed on time. Formerly, as a supervisor, I also had concerns hiring mothers for positions, especially single moms - you just never know what you're going to get and those people with a strong work ethic are few and far between.

Following the last elections, I was disheartened with all that occurred with former Governor Sarah Palin as a candidate. Her clothing was an issue. Her eyeglasses were an issue. Her hair was an issue. Her mothering skills to her pregnant teenage daughter was an issue. Her ability to perform the job while having children including a new infant was questioned. Whether you like her or not, certainly women out there should all have been desperately outraged! If someone in her position and already performing duties as a Governor is picked apart so readily with regard to these silly items that have nothing to do with her abilities, what can the rest of us honestly expect out in the corporate world? That looks fairly dismal to me and I'm still amazed that journalists and other politicians were not creating an uproar about this - backbones are lacking in that industry apparently???

For myself, I am again lost with regard to this future. I am a woman and I will be bringing my boobs along with me to work. As long as I am young enough to be able to use them to my advantage, they will be used. If a short skirt will assist me in getting a job done, I'll buy stock in them. Heck, if letting an individual with a foot fetish paint my toes will assist in any way with my success, you can bet I'll have a new pair of fabulous open-toed shoes every day of the week. Yes, I've done it before and I'll do it again if needed.

I am a female overachiever but get this straight, keep your mouth shut about my vagina and uterus because now I'm the mother of a little girl. That little girl will one day be a woman and I refuse to let this continue and happen to her!

Miss Personality

After 13 years of marriage, I certainly had given up on any possibility of a future Miss Personality making a presence in my life. Yet I'll never forget the day of that pregnancy test showing positive. Surely I screwed up the procedure and thank goodness there was another test for people who made an error (like not using it in morning as the stupid box clearly instructs when you READ the instructions.) Okay, we all make mistakes, redo in the a.m.! But after a terrible night's sleep - still positive. Shock. The husband is elated! Crap - I had a few beers at that Shania Twain concert, I'm a complete Starbucks addict, and I'm still smoking like a chimney. Oh, yeah, honey, I'm super excited! (My brain was completely full of my voluminous construction vocabulary.)

Once I figured out I was nearly 4 months pregnant, I slowly adjusted to the realization that this was going to happen. Sure was overjoyed when someone posted a sign outside my office door asking everyone to guess the sex of the baby to be. Annoyed when someone wrote in the option of PUPPIES on that sign, but I managed a polite smile and fake laugh. That's asking a lot from a hormonal female who can no longer fit into her corporate suit attire. (Oh God, PUHLEEZ give me a girl, a girl with blonde hair like me; no boys, no boys, no boys - I don't like what they do to bathrooms.) "I'll just be happy as long as the baby is healthy." (Such BS...)

Then came the birth - natural - not by MY choice but thanks to a few treehugging nurses who I desperately hope will have a tree fall on TOP of them to this day. (BTW, if in doubt - use drugs, ask for them, request them months in advance, check stock at the hospital, threaten lives if need be - that much pain for any human is so unnatural.)

Somewhere during that birth, I think my brain melted - what a change. How could you ever put your baby down? Sleep? Who needs it! Gimme my baby, I don't need a friggin' nursery! Please don't let me forget to mention that I'd never held a baby in my entire life - ever, never, not my nieces or nephews, not friends' kids. My baby was different!

Miss Personality made her appearance in quite the fashion and she immediately started making noises, lots of them, right away! Should have known then...

Why Blog Why Not????

Why a blog? Let's see, nearly 5 years ago, I became a mom to little Miss Fabulous - and she really is! Miss Fabulous was the reason I stopped being a workaholic pushing my way up to that glass ceiling of the corporate ladder and entered a temporary "retirement" to be a stay at home mother. It's been a trip and an adjustment for us both coming into this mom/daughter world and while I'm certainly rewarded on a daily basis for this work, I think a part of my brain is sitting in limbo somewhere. I'm a bit of a lost mom!

Will a blog to express these ongoing thoughts of my lost persona recreate what I used to be? No idea, but at least I can use a little brain power crafting words to the random and increasingly obsessive thoughts. Plus, I've grown a little too attached to my Dyson Animal vacuum, to the point that wearing the carpet could be a concern for warranty...

So, really, other than doing the mom thing, taxi-driving Miss Fabulous, cleaning every germ and speck of dust from my house, organizing anything and everything in sight, and training two very large puppies (yes, I am slightly insane for that one), who am I and what journey am I on?