Facebook Addiction

Last February, I finally took the time to sign up for Facebook after being pestered for months by friends. At the time, I was admittedly going through a rough patch in my life due to mental illness of a family member. Compounding that trauma was a husband who travels very constantly and being a stay at home mom and having zero interest in doing anything outside of my daughter's life. (I was a ridiculous and emotional mess.)

So, I signed up and "friended" the folks who'd been pestering me to join. Within a week, I was shocked at the friend requests and seeing names I'd not seen in years. From high school and grade school, living in various places, old work mates, and even family I'd lost touch with. Okay, that was pretty cool and seeing pictures of everyone's interests and family members was a bonus. I adore seeing my school friends that I grew up with and admiring the change in those people; they're now adults doing what they love, struggling with their own issues and identities (and sometimes you can help as a friend which is a huge bonus), and building their own wonderful families.

Some of the friends were never really friends and I wouldn't want them in my real life. There are some look-e-loo's from the past who friend you just to see what you have, what you're doing, and whether your life is blatantly disastrous as they're probably hoping. Well, I'm actually okay with that too. I went ahead and put my address on there for those folks, go ahead and zillow it, I don't care. I'm pretty darn happy with my life overall so...whatever. That's all material information and it's not what matters in life to me although I'm admittedly blessed and appreciate it. (If they're bothering with that, they're probably not very happy people anyway.)

I'm actually a very private person. I don't share a lot of my private life with anyone. I think each of my good friends has a piece of that privacy but no one holds the key to the complete picture and I prefer it that way. You keep your private life protected and private for the sake of your own sanity and your family. However, I do, on occassion, share a piece of my private life if it will help another person in their own growth or whatever they might be struggling with. I wouldn't have it any other way, making a difference for someone else is what life is about.

THAT is how I discovered the fun and magic of Facebook. When you're bored, having a tough day, or just need that comfort, Facebook works. I discovered that there are a bunch of stay at home moms going through exactly what I do on a day-to-day basis. There are others tending to tantrums with kids in time-out. There are others who are still so completely lost. There are those who post the most thought provoking status messages that get you through your day or just exercise your brain slightly. And then there are the folks who weren't anywhere near close to you and somehow you form a connection through space.

From the comfort of my own home, I can have a conversation over the span of multiple hours - as time allows. I have laughed myself into hysterics with other ladies and men across the country while my daughter is in her room sleeping and my husband is out of state. When my daughter is in time-out, or just having an overtly dramatic day, and I'm aggravated beyond belief, there is no doubt a friend there who can snap ME out of my funk and elevate my mood or who makes me realize just how wonderful my life actually is - and I can walk away with a smile. When I'm having an extraordinarily happy and overaccomplished day, I can share that and experience some sort of applause from friends who are genuinely happy for me. Maybe motivate another person to achieve their dreams or take another step forward as well?

It is, very definitely, an addiction and you MUST watch yourself and the time you're spending on the computer closely. Finding the balance between taking care of my daughter and my house while being a Facebook addict has been an adjustment, but I thankfully still have all my senses, most of the time. My time playing Mafia Wars and joining a clan notwithstanding...

I do believe I'm a better person in real life with my Facebook account. Sharing bits of experience, funny stories about your kids, information that you've researched, or just applause for someone else's accomplishment has enabled me to merge so many parts of my privacy that there are fewer aspects to keep track of and I'm a more complete being. When I write, I think, which is likely something my brain has been craving since I became a stay at home mom. I also think more clearly about my own life and have to reflect on the importance or non-importance of various struggles on a very daily basis. I honestly appreciate that and the balance that it provides me.

Religion is one aspect that I don't care to share. I consider my relationship with God between him, me, and the church and I can't get into sharing that private relationship. I would rather explore that on my own through thought and prayer, but there are many religious posts by friends that encourage that relationship and have helped me build on that as well. So many of those messages are a secret gift and they tend to arrive just when you need them; sometimes I wonder if God has a facebook account working through others. I don't think those individuals even know what benefit they're giving others.

So, off into oblivion I'll head, randomly connecting with friends I know and friends I don't - to learn more about them, more about life, and more about myself. I'm excited to see who has their next accomplishment, fulfills a dream, or just the friends who are honestly enjoying and living their lives. I'll stay up too late laughing at the hilarity of someone's experience and be greatful that they shared the story. In the future, I hope to watch their babies grow, learn, and step out into the world as better people because of this resource (or super-annoyed that their parents shared too much info to the point that they will have to speak to the Oprah-replacement person on public television.)

I sincerely believe that life is all about people and properly learning to engage and enrich each other's lives in a positive way. I'll be here taking care of my baby, vacuuming my house, and engaging in reality, as I should; but I will remain thankful for that Facebook account and the escape.

Nearly a year has passed since I opened that account during the drama and trauma in my life and I am so happy, so blessed, and a more complete person but more importantly, I recognize it.