Just found out that my girlfriend passed away last night. Breast cancer got another one. I'm trying to tell myself that I'm glad she's no longer in pain. I'm trying to tell myself that she's better off and happy now.
But...I'm pissed that her family doesn't have her in their lives. I'm pissed that I couldn't be there more. I'm pissed that her daughter will never have her mother beside her when she gets married. I'm pissed that her daughter will not have her mother with her when she has babies. I'm pissed that cancer keeps taking people.
There is something just WRONG with people our age not being alive!!! She deserved to live and enjoy everything she has worked for. She had her dream home and she really appreciated it! She should be getting ready for Thanksgiving with her family.
My thoughts keep wondering if we all have a purpose or lesson to learn in life and we have this limited time frame to learn & do whatever our mission intends. I don't know. If it is...what the heck is my mission?
I suppose I'll just take this day to reflect a little more on this, do some vacuuming, enjoy my Starbucks, and...be the mommy.
What I know is that I'll always remember our conversations; what I learned from her in the last one. The little light that flipped on in my head at that moment. I'll remember seeing her sleep. I'll savor my friends just a little bit more and take time to really look at the sky.
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10 years ago
I swear that awareness of where we are and what we have and who is with us on this journey is the only gift that death brings us. To some, it's a small gift. To others - massive and priceless. I guess the goal is to get to a place where death only brings the smaller gift, the minutest of reminders, because we are already so deeply involved in our every moment.
ReplyDeleteYou honor your friend well by using your time for reflection and joy.
I bet she is very proud of you right now.
;)t