My miniature mid-life crisis - in my head...

Approaching my 19 year anniversary of marriage and boy does it make me think. I'm HOW old? I'm chasing a 5 year old and her little kindergarten friends and really I do love every single minute of it. Happy tears flow regularly and that's really something to enjoy. But I'm married to a guy who is 42 years old - how did THAT happen? Seriously! I'm only...okay, no, I'm not in my 20's - whoops, forgot.

I love my life and every single minute of it. I love my family beyond all being. I appreciate the comfort and familiarity and dependability of things. However, I can't help but think and think and think. I suppose it's the mom's life of imagination and surviving tasks like wiping noses, butts, and cleaning up vomit. I keep it in my head, mostly. But lately I think it's turning into a mid-life crisis - but only in my head, please, I DO have responsibilities.

But...oh how attractive and intriguing are the thoughts of running off to a large and culturally thriving metropolitan area or the solitude of a beach. By myself. Views of San Francisco through a posh and well-designed hotel room, with room service and desserts of creme brulee and warm chocolate lava cake. A walk along the pier and no conversation but just the ability to experience my own senses.

How about just the opportunity for an entire weekend of no clothing, great and constant sex, views, and...okay, room service again. Dinner out at dimly-lit, fantastic restaurants, featuring master-piece culinary creations that spark excitement in all senses and that do NOT serve chicken nuggets, pizza, or hot dogs. Quiet appreciation with some random man who doesn't want to watch sports all weekend and maybe who just wants to enjoy and experience those things with me - who doesn't have any intention of talking about the adorable thing a child did or anything about work or emails and who doesn't have a Blackberry tagging along that beeps incessantly and demands attention every waking hour. Someone who doesn't spill things all over or need food cut up for them. A man who gets why I starve myself of carbs and perhaps appreciates it.

Going for a jog around Venice with JUST my incredibly attentive poodle and getting to sit afterwards at a Starbucks, in a clean & comfy chair overlooking the ocean with the most perfect Caramel Macchiato I've ever had.

How about chocolate fondue, all OVER my body or.... Okay, so now I'm probably scaring my regular, suburban mom friends and everyone else on earth and no one would have any idea just how far my warped little thoughts go.

Sometimes the mind just wanders and, wow, I think maybe I need a getaway soon. Unfortunately, there are school events and fundraisers calling my name, one of the dogs needs an appointment for her shots and check-up, I haven't yet cleaned my bathroom, and my daughter needs to visit the dentist. So, back to reality and life and being able to see a 5 year old celebrate her way into being 6.

As for my anniversary, I suppose a few hours with a babysitter and dinner at a no-reservations beer joint with good food and clean restrooms is pretty nice too. At least they have creme brulee and I have a great imagination. Wink, wink...