When Will it End?

This is a real life post. Some great, some good, some bad, and if ya can't deal with it or just don't to, stop reading and go away.

This weekend Miss Fabulous performed in her third recital. Performing is sooooo her thing. She just adores it - having an audience, dressing up, having her makeover. The audience turned out to be an issue. Maybe more for me than for her but sometimes her silence speaks volumes, because Miss Fabulous is never silent.

At the last minute I was asked to be her room mom for her night of tap & ballet performances. I was tickled because I've done it the past two years and didn't want to miss the backstage excitement and play and to see her enjoy that! Then I was DELIGHTED when, at rehearsal, our school director asked if I would go backstage and help with another class during the hip hop performance night. Okay, not my kid's class, but I love those girls too and I'd only be steps away from my baby and be able to watch her. I love the backstage time and my heart was so full!!! I coulda hugged that woman and she didn't even know she'd made my day!

Friday came around and we rushed through the house cleaning, yard mowing, shopping, and make-over for Miss Fabulous. She was so excited she couldn't sit still! My wonderful in-laws came to spend the night and we met up with friends for dinner and the show! I got to dress and undress a group of girls three times AND play with them AND see my daughter from the sidelines backstage. I adore cheering those kids on! It was beyond a dream come true!

When we came out to meet our family & friends after the performance, I couldn't see my dad or mom anywhere. I asked my husband and was told "they left earlier; we'll have to talk about that later." Okaaaaaay. I got in the car with our friends to help navigate to an ice cream shop while my husband drove the rest of the family. So my girlfriend told me the scoop during the car ride.

My husband and friends had saved seats for my parents and waved them over when they arrived. Long story short, my mom flat out refused to look at them and kept waving my dad into different rows to avoid sitting with "us." It was obvious and left our group pretty wide-eyed. So my dad gave in and they sat three rows behind our family. Then they split right after my daughter finished her dance. So my daughter had no idea that they were even there. My dad did have the opportunity to tell my FIL that he was bleeding from a prostate biopsy he had a week ago and I hope that's why they left (and then again I also hope not.) No call that night or all day on Saturday though. I didn't say anything and hid my disappointment fairly well. I had house guests and really didn't want to make a phone call and chance any drama invading this time.

Then we all loaded up and went to the performance on Saturday. Excitement again, big hair again, and lots of smiles from Miss Fabulous! My husband said he wouldn't bother holding seats that night after what had happened. So, it was just him and his parents sitting together.

One of our girls didn't show up at all and I sure hope she and her parents are okay. The rest of my girls and I had a fabulous time backstage. We got in and out of several costume changes without issue and made it to every number perfectly outfitted! Considering the multiple pairs of tights and time constraints - we rocked! We had a great little picnic on a blanket on the floor; we did "cheers!" to each other in little pink flowered dixie cups; and we played games together. I saw a million dazzling little smiles and girls and boys from other groups came over to join us - THAT is what makes being a room mom the best reward in the world! My daughter was elated and so tickled telling everyone I was her room mom!

Then we walked back out to the audience to meet up with the family and I got to hear privately that my dad didn't show up at all. My mom had shown up, sat alone, and then left early again. Miss Fabulous didn't even know that they were there to watch her for anything! These are her friends, her little world, and she has worked so hard on these dances! And she didn't say a word or even ask.

When we got home, the first thing I did was check our phone for messages. Nothing - no calls, no messages. I took the time to turn on my cell phone, which I never have with me. No messages, no calls.

And now it's a day later. Here I sit - no calls, no messages. I'm partly worried. I'm upset. I'm angry that nothing can ever be simply about my daughter. I don't understand this. However, I guess when a mental disorder is in play, there IS no level of understanding nor can there be room for thought about how actions make consequences. On one hand, I hope my dad is so sick that he can't pick up a phone. But, of course, I hope that's also NOT the case because I love and adore my dad. It just hurts a little in my heart that he would not take the time to be a part of this family to accommodate my mom's quest and desire for drama. That he would actually choose to allow us to be hurt yet again rather than stand up to her fits of insanity and bullying seems to be a tough one on my soul.

So, I suppose it's nearly time for me to make that call AGAIN and find out why he didn't come. I suppose it's time to take the chance that my mom answers the phone and starts drama and causes my head to hurt and heart to ache AGAIN. I'm prepping....it's been a long day of prepping and hoping for someone else to extend their hand and make the effort just by calling. I'll shift my backbone into gear and do this yet again. And I'll resent having to be put into this position, again.

And I'll continue to wonder...when will this end? Or is it my job to make this end? Speak a little louder please God, cause I'm not yet hearing you.