KNOCK it OFF!

Okay moms and dads, I've had enough of you with your cellphones. Basically, the entire population of cell phone users is annoying, but in particular, I'm addressing mothers. Enough is enough! If you're going to spend time with your kid, please please take the time to do so. Certainly, while we're at home, the phone rings and we're all guilty of speaking to a friend a little too long. It happens and I'm okay with THAT.

However, if you decide to go to the zoo, the museum, or some other special place, turn off the stupid phone and pay attention to your kids. Everyone in the world can hear your side of the conversation and I'm going to guarantee that the bullshit you're spouting about is not imperative to national security, let alone your life. Ummm....many of you sound like complete morons - think about what you're saying in front of others. Hello? Walmart shoppers, you're becoming classless and I'm sure next time I'll see you 50 lbs heavier and wearing second hand sweats with holes in them.

Then there's texting. You people are saying things that you wouldn't have the nerve to say out loud! It's outrageous - and then your friends are showing THEIR friends what you sent! That's an indicator that it's time to shut up or rather just stop the letters. You seriously don't need to interupt another person to check the iphone or Blackberry ten times in ten minutes - what are you thinking??? Some hot deal out there that's gonna net you a quick $3M and you're waiting on your broker so you can holler at him to BUY BUY BUY????

Simple etiquette ought to be a consideration. No one needs to listen to your conversation. If you simply must take a phone call, have the consideration to walk out of a room and handle your so-called emergency. If you just want to have a long chit-chat with a girlfriend, that's great! Certainly you can go sit in your car or at home and do so without invading everyone else's ears while we're trying to read, relax, chat, or just sit and watch my kid dance on the video screen.

Where exactly did you learn manners by the way? If you initiate and engage in a conversation with me or another mom while we're waiting on our daughters, if you really feel the need to look at your phone for texts or to see your Caller ID every few seconds, then perhaps you should just be alone with your little phone in a private room somewhere far, far away from those of us you're being rude to.

When I take my daughter, say, to the zoo, I want to spend time with her and perhaps learn something. That something has nothing to do with your friend Karen's latest boyfriend crisis. BTW, your friend Karen sounds like a whore! Shut up already - you're telling your kids to be quiet when they try to talk to you (which is supposed to be THEIR time by the way) but you're the one who is actually being rudely invasive of everyone else's air space. If you're eating, PUHLEEZ shut up and shut it off - seeing the food in your mouth is just sick and I'm certain the friend on the phone isn't enjoying all the smacking. Not to mention the nasty, germy food particals flying all over. Yeah, lots of us don't care for that, just so ya know!

I do hope as I walk by you, that you will trip and fall and break your phone. (I'll try to refrain from kicking you while you're down or laughing at you and loving what happened out loud.) Perhaps in the time it takes you to get a new model, you'll figure out that time with kids actually can be fun.

From what I hear and read, most of you can't even afford your phones with the charges for texts and voice minutes. You're constantly complaining (to Karen, or Linda, or Misty, or Heather) that you can't pay a bill, can't get a new car, can't get your old car fixed, or can't DO something fun because you don't have the money. Yet you people will spend excessive dollars on senseless communication or upgrading to the newest model. How much money could you save a month without that phone? Half of you don't even realize how much you spend until the bill arrives - there are calculators on most phones, haven't discovered THAT feature???? Guess all that talking and texting never resulted in math skills, let alone a budget - and don't expect me to call or text to explain it to you. In fact, if you call while I'm spending time with my daughter, you'll get my answering machine and I'm not often quick to return calls because I have a purpose and priority in life. Guess what else - I won't even give you my cell number because I have a life....and manners.

Now I have to go. My husband has a blackberry and he keeps looking at it and looking at it and reading his spam emails every time they pop up. Wanna guess where I'm gonna put it???