Mommy and Me Time

What exactly is the difference between Mommy Time and Me Time? After waiting 13 years for a baby, the last thing I thought about for 4 years after that was ME time, though I heard it over and over and over again from other moms and I absolutely rolled my eyes at them albeit inside my head. I'm certainly always willing to spend time with girlfriends but the last thing I was looking for was a way to escape time with my child. In fact, I DREADED leaving my child - just in 15 minutes for a shower, you can miss an incredible moment with a young child. First steps (I was in the shower), first time drinking from a straw (I was in the shower), and first time putting a doll shoe up her nose (I was getting my hair done.) Okay, so the doll shoe in the nose that required a doctor visit and ER trip involving an IV and holding her down (which I did NOT miss) wasn't something to look forward to, but still I wish I'd been there to prevent it from happening in the first place. For the record, I do only take one shower a day - just so you know - but that shower caused me to miss some incredible moments.

I really do prefer my Mommy Time to the Me Time and I just don't get the ME thing as a necessity. It's nice sometimes, but not a requirement for me. Maybe it's because I was alone so much as a kid myself - I didn't get that interaction with either of my parents. Or maybe it's because I'm actually very introverted and don't crave a night out with a GROUP of anyone. Miss Fabulous is also terribly extroverted and she craves interaction even more so than other kids because of this trait. However, once my daughter was 4 1/2, I realized that she would not play independently - she just needed someone in the room to talk AT while playing, typical extrovert characteristic but a behavior that has to be learned. So for the past six months, I've found myself rewarding my child for her efforts and ability to self-entertain for periods of 30 minutes to an hour. I DO have to force myself to stay in a separate room because watching her is so much more entertaining and rewarding. I had no idea it would be this difficult. It's even more difficult when she continues to ASK for me to join her.

When I do take the time to visit with a friend over coffee or meet up for lunch, I tend to do it while Miss Fabulous is busy at school or some other kid activity. I am not allowed to be there for those times, so I don't feel as if I'm leaving or avoiding my child.

For five years now, I've heard so many friends who are mothers themselves, trying to encourage me to take time "for myself" and telling me that this time will make me a better mother. However, long before my daughter, during my workaholic days, I was constantly told to take breaks to prevent myself from "burning out." For 13 years, I did nothing but increase my work hours and work load and I never felt burned out, there was always a sense of satisfaction. Though some instances and situations were utterly annoying and I often felt like some people needed to be slapped to their senses, crossing off an item on my to do list or succeeding in an adventure was exhilarating. Now that my JOB is being a mom, I can't imagine not putting in my time and helping to create an incredible environment with unlimited experiences for this tiny human being.

While my husband does travel quite a lot, those extra hours for my alone time with my daughter are a privilege to me, not simply a responsibility. Of course, I'm also a very highly competitive individual, so admittedly, there is a desire for my daughter to enjoy her time with me MORE than time with dad. Shhhhh....don't tell, I don't think he's caught on yet. Well, maybe he has. I'm here ALL the time, so I am the enforcer of the rules in the house, which means time with dad is pretty much all fun & games. I have to work much harder to be the fun one as well as disciplinarian. Again, balance issues...

Is there a right answer or a wrong answer? Basically I have decided that it's individualistic. Some people need that me time and some people don't necessarily. I will always be available to my friends during school time and for a few hours over a weekend, but I'd rather excel at being mom. I'm quite certain that at the end of my life, my daughter will be the one with me and holding memories while my girlfriends will be with their children who hold their memories. As it should be and I'll love my girlfriends for giving their children those memories. I think maybe that IS the balance for me.